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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838938">Cygnus and Sirius</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoodiePatootie/pseuds/HoodiePatootie'>HoodiePatootie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Overwatch (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Both you and Siebren are coworkers in an office, Demisexual Reader, F/F, F/M, Gen, He has brownish dark hair uwu, M/M, Multi, Neurodivergent Reader, Other, Short Reader, Size Difference, Slow Burn, There is still an age gap tho like uhh a ten year difference, everything is good lol, nonbinary afab reader, plus-size/curvy reader, reader has generalized anxiety disorder, sigma got aged down to his younger self by 30 years LMAO</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:14:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoodiePatootie/pseuds/HoodiePatootie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't know what to tell you other than this tall man wants to buy you a drink.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sigma | Siebren de Kuiper/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Let Me Buy You A Drink</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You stared at your computer for a while. The window is open to your email, one of the emails specifically.</p><p>“Dear Mz. (l/n),<br/>We are happy to inform you that you are hired. Your first day will be on this date—”</p><p>You sigh in relief. You have not checked your emails for days. You are actually surprised you even get a new job, with how empty your resume is. People hated straight-A students because apparently they are losers that can’t function, which stings you to hear but it hurts to know that it’s lowkey true for you. You have no idea what you are doing since you spent your whole life being told what to do.<br/>Now you are just … Alone. Your older sister is here but still, you feel alone in this small apartment. You thought about getting pet fishes, so you don’t be alone, but you are too scared of making mistakes. You did not want to accidentally kill a bunch of fishes. Poor fishes.</p><p>Making mistakes. That is what is preventing you from ever learning or growing. You just get scared of being a failure. You only associate mistakes with punishment. It sucks. Nothing really happens just because you lost a contest or maybe you missed one homework, but you still feel like someone will pop out of nowhere to give you an uppercut.</p><p>… Wait you got hired? Oh, you got hired! To an office job, a regular job, a job with a wage that is slightly higher than minimum wage. Like 4 dollars higher. Is that good? Is that too low still? How bad is the economy right now? You walk over to your sister’s room, but you are not sure if she is working at home for now. You gently open the door, walking in Amy’s room.</p><p>“Amu.”</p><p>She turns around. She is usually nonverbal, only speaking normally with her friends.</p><p>“I got hired. I’ll start working on Monday,” you scratch your head.</p><p>“Cool,” you softly said before turning back around to look at her laptop.</p><p>You slowly close the door, too shy to tell her anymore even though she has been around you since birth. At least she isn’t going to bully you over being too incompetent for anything unless she finds a chance to. Like mother like daughter. You love her though and you like the small trips you two have on a Saturday.</p><p>You look to your phone, remembering that you are going to hang out with Lucio. You been working for him for a year, but you two barely scrape by and you try to avoid getting paid. You know how difficult it is to make a living out of making music. You know first-hand how difficult it is to have art as your job. Do you know how many commissions you got for the past few months? Just four. How many followers you got on your social media? 35. And most of them are just people that are friends. You blame your habit of retweeting almost everything on your page out of moral obligation and brief amusements. Or maybe the ones that got popular are just lucky. There is plenty of actors that are talented but are not well-known, so eh, you just draw because you like to. Does not mean you are a bad artist.</p><p>You stare up to your laptop screen, reading the rest of the email. You read too quickly, but you do note the date for training. It is going to be on Monday and then start working the next Monday. You go to your calendar, marking the day and time. You checked a bunch of times since you are still messed up over how you missed a final because you thought it was on Friday instead of Thursday. You cringe at the memory.</p><hr/><p><br/>“So yeah, the club is located at the mall; It will be fun since some of our friends will show up,” Lucio close the trunk up.</p><p>“Okei,” you shrug.</p><p>“You’re good? You’re still not used to the loud noises?”</p><p>“Fam most of the stuff I been doing is drawing logos and then do b-roll while Hana takes care of social media stuff,” you blink slowly.</p><p>“You been drawing basically your whole life! Don’t downvote your own crafts,” Lucio pats your shoulders.</p><p>“I feel like it’s too easy for me, like I don’t put much effort,” you shrug.</p><p>“But you had a degree in cinematic arts, and you learn to draw – you’re still talented,” Lucio smiles.</p><p>“Okei,” you comment, although not really impressed with yourself still.</p><p>“You don’t believe me, do you?” Lucio squint.</p><p>“I have trust issues—anyways uhh anymore stuff to bring?” you look away.</p><p>“Nope! That is all, we just need to set up over at the club then we are good,” Lucio gives two thumbs up.</p><p>“I meet you here or at the mall?” you ask.</p><p>“We’ll just meet up back at my house then drive over there, but you have time to dress up,” Lucio nodded.</p><p>“Dress up?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s a club! You can dress up for the occasion even though you are working.”</p><p>“Sir I’m your employee.”</p><p>“(y/n) you are my friend.”</p><p>You sigh. You are so not used to people acknowledging you as their friends, especially since you two work together.</p><p>“I told you there are going to be other people that will come with us,” Lucio smiles.</p><p>“So uhh I need to shower twice today, got it,” you gave a thumbs up.</p><p>“Pfff see you at 7,” Lucio laughs a little.</p><p>This whole meeting is a celebration for Lucio’s big hit Synaesthesia Auditiva. You are happy for him since he has been through so much to get to where he is today. He must be away from home that is currently not in a good state and he wants to help his community.</p><p>You finally knock Lucio’s door after running away from your car in your heels, still processing that you have not smack your face on the asphalt. The door opens, Lucio finally seeing you.</p><p>“Whoa I never saw you dressed that way,” Lucio look up to you.</p><p>“What you mean?” you squint.</p><p>“You always wear baggy shirts and pants – not that it’s a bad thing!” Lucio wave his hands, trying to let you know he means no harm.</p><p>“Okei,” you shrug, walking through the door.</p><p>You see Hana, Angela, Angelo, Baptiste, Lena, Ashe, and Mei. They all happily greeted you, quickly acknowledging how you look since you purposefully hide your curves.</p><p>“Uhh hey fam, I need help?” you walk up to Ashe and the other girls. </p><p>The girls look up to you.</p><p>“I brought my makeup with me, can anyone help?” you ask softly.</p><p>“Oh! I can help,” Ashe gets up, walking up to you.</p><p>“Let me help!” Hana gets up also.</p><p>Suddenly you are surrounded by a bunch of them, looking at your face and rustling through the makeup you have in your bag.</p><p>“Just do a natural look or she will look odd,” Hana said.</p><p>“It’s they!” Lena exclaims.</p><p>“My bad but still they need just a little bit and not a full-blown cake,” Hana gestures.</p><p>“I mean .. Where are you going? Your shirt is really cute,” Angela ask happily, applying foundation.</p><p>“With you all! You don’t know?”</p><p>“Oh my bad,” Angela shakes her head with a giggle.</p><p>“Hey! Don’t move your face!” Ashe pouts, trying to fix your eyes.</p><p>“Oh my bad,” you relax your face.</p><p>“Are you thinking about flirting with other men?” Angela giggles.</p><p>“Why men? Maybe she’s a sapphic,” Lena points out.</p><p>“A what?” you said.</p><p>“Sapphic? You don’t know what that means?”</p><p>“Is that a zodiac thing??”</p><p>“Wh—NO that means lesbian!” Lena exclaim while everyone around her laughed.</p><p>“Oh shit my bad—” you wheeze, Ashe having to stop before she mess something up as she also snickers.</p><p>“You’re nonbinary how would you not know?!”</p><p>“I only started seeing that on Twitter.”</p><p>“Oh my god,” Lena covers her face.</p><p>“Anyways uhh my heart is dead and cold right now, so uhh nope,” you blink slowly.</p><p>“Who hurt you?” Mei ask softly.</p><p>“Me,” you snicker.</p><p>“Pff, you’re fine being single anyways,” Ashe raises her brows, some girls humming along.</p><p>“What is your sexuality anyways?” Lena asks.</p><p>“Uhh … I’m demisexual,” you said.</p><p>“Ooh okay,” Lena nodded.</p><p>You haven’t talked much during the contour, blush, and lips. They debated on whether to give you lip gloss, red lipstick, nude lipstick, or something bold like your dark purple one. They didn't find your black one. </p><p>“Make me look like an e-girl,” you said point-blank.</p><p>Hana moves everyone aside.</p><p>“This is my time to shine,” Hana declares, pulling up blush and a brush.</p><p>She works on giving you that signature nose blush, even suggesting drawing hearts on your cheeks. She slightly darkens your eyeshadow then finally use a dark lipstick. Everyone is pleasantry surprised, although Ashe is liking the look. You walk over to the bathroom while the girls followed suit, smiling along.</p><p>You stare at the mirror, surprised how airbrushed everything looks. You always did wonder how flawless their faces looked.</p><p>“I finally am an e-girl,” you pose.</p><p>They clap and cheer.</p><p>“So you good? You don’t need anything else?” Ashe asks.</p><p>“I think this is good yeah, yall did a lot! Thank you,” you smiled.</p><p>“No problem,” Hana shrug.</p><p>“Hey yall ready to go?” Lucio calls to them.</p><p>“We good!” they called.</p><p>You finally showed Lucio the finished look.</p><p>“Whoa … I don’t think I ever saw you this feminine before,” Lucio wonders.</p><p>“I get annoyed when people only see me JUST as a woman rather than …. Me,” you flatten your lips.</p><p>“No, I understand,” Lucio pats your back.</p><p>“You’re still valid, no matter how feminine or masculine you are,” Lena smiles kindly.</p><p>“Oh I know,” you shrug.</p><p>“I wonder why you suddenly want to do makeup?” Mei asks.</p><p>“It looks cool, like I can pretend to be someone else – it’s art on your face basically,” you frame your face with your hands.</p><p>“Aah I see,” Mei nodded.</p><p>“Come on, let’s get out there!” Lucio opens the door.</p><p>You follow along, coming to the passenger seat next to the driver’s seat. Ashe and Hana come to sit behind you two. Mei, Baptiste, and Lena went with Angela and her brother. While Lucio drives to the mall, you suddenly remember about your new job.</p><p>“Oh uhh I forgot to tell you – I just got hired by an office,” you turn to Lucio.</p><p>“Whoa congrats!” Lucio beams, Ashe and Hana following along.</p><p>“Hopefully I can still work for you with no problem since I have a habit of focusing too much on one thing,” you lay down on your seat.</p><p>“It’s cool! Just let me know and you’ll be good – Still though, congratulations!” Lucio smiled.</p><p>“Thanks fam,” you turn back to the road.</p><p>“How it feels to be in makeup?” Ashe asks.</p><p>“Just – I guess I feel pressured on trying not to touch my face so much,” you shrug.</p><p>“What are you going to do at your job?” Hana ask.</p><p>“I apply to be an administrative assistant or some sort, but I help with other stuff – I just want to be helpful and be the jack of all trades,” you explain.</p><p>“You really like being helpful in anything,” Hana points out.</p><p>“I feel useless all the time so uhh yeah,” you snicker, although the reasoning behind it is kind of dark.</p><p>“Are you still drawing?” Lucio asks.</p><p>“Yeah but not commissions.”</p><p>“Okay, we are here,” Lucio comes to the back.</p><p>After helping with moving the equipment, Angelo and Baptiste doing the most since you are too small, everyone walked over to the backstage to set up. The girls invited you to come with them, which Lucio lets you. You walk over with them to explore before the club opens, seeing a l o t of politician stuff since elections are coming. You cringe, thinking that it comes off as ingenuous. Nobody cared though, just walking into some stores. While being around them though, you slowly start to feel left out. These people are so … Girly. You never could relate to these girls; they may get along with your cousins since they all have a similar demeanor. You do notice Mei being kind of quiet, but she is still more engaging than you. You didn’t see the point of being around since you are trying to save as much money as you can. You wasted a bunch from buying makeup, like good makeup. They even commented how “you got the good stuff”. You poke Mei’s back and let her know that you are going to check with Lucio.</p><p>“Oh sure, the club is at that corner with the stairs,” Mei points out.</p><p>“Thank you, see you there and be careful,” you nodded before quickly turning around to strut over to the club. It’s still kind of empty. You walk over to the stairs that lead down, seeing a bathtub colored in dark chameleon chrome. It’s spotless. Confused, you continue down the stairs only to see a shower just off to the side.</p><p>… Are you going to the right place or are you going to Bed Bath and Beyond?? You went lower and reach to a large space, quickly realizing you are in the right place. You been to this mall a few times, but you never went to this place. You see Lucio at the distance, quickly walking up to him.</p><p>“Hey! I got bored so I went back to help,” you said as you walk over to Lucio. </p><p>“Oh me and Angelo are almost done but you can do b-roll of the performance,” Lucio gave a thumbs up.</p><p>“I was so confused at the entrance because I’m just thinking uhh am I in Home Depot or what’s going on??” you point at where you saw the bathroom stuff.</p><p>“Oh! This is your first time ever here?” Lucio asks.</p><p>“I got no friends to hang at the club with,” you snicker.</p><p>“Oh this is legit the first first time you ever been to a club? With go-go dancers and everything?”</p><p>“Go-go dancers?” you tilt your head.</p><p>“So basically – there are go-go dancers that dance off the side but then they have this specialty where they basically watch someone get showered, like that pull the lever and water comes raining down thing,” Lucio has this awkward smile on his face, having no idea how to explain this club’s odd culture.</p><p>“Hol up you serious? They just … Shower? Butt-naked?” you squint.</p><p>“Not really butt-naked but yeah they just get soaked! That is why that stage over there is encased with glass,” Lucio points to where the whole shower scene happens.</p><p>Sure enough, there is a stage in encased glass with holographic foil walls and lights.</p><p>“Your skin is going to dry up if you clean yourself too much,” you scratch your arms.</p><p>“I guess? I know someone that showers twice a day,” Lucio holds two fingers.</p><p>“Why two times??” you squint with your brows furrowed.</p><p>“I guess they are too nervous about smelling bad,” Lucio shrug.</p><p>“Do they work out? Maybe that’s why.”</p><p>“Pff not very often!” Lucio shakes his head with a huge grin.</p><p>“What’s the difference between a go-go dancer and a stripper? Aren’t they the same thing or I’m being a dumbass?” you frown a little.</p><p>Lucio shrugs with his hands up, having no idea what the answer to that question is. You look into your phone, checking for the answer. You followed behind Lucio, climbing up the platform stage.</p><p>“So apparently a go-go dancer is there to hype up the crowds while exotic dancers are for adult risqué stuff, I guess,” you peer at your phone.</p><p>“Ah okay,” Lucio nodded.</p><p>“Would you??”</p><p>“Would I what?”</p><p>“Perform at a strip club, like maybe at Amsterdam?” That Red Light district type?”</p><p>“Oh uh… Maybe?” Lucio giggles.</p><p>“Oh God so – You are going to be so disappointed but guess what I learn at the age of 22?”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“This whole time I thought Amsterdam was in Germany … Amsterdam is in the Netherlands,” you grimace.</p><p>Lucio starts to cackle.</p><p>“LOOK Americans are really dumb fam, our education sucks,” you gave an embarrassing smile as you watch Lucio laugh hard. You almost touch your face, stopping yourself at the last millisecond.</p><p>“ANYWAYS uhh we start soon?” you ask, composing yourself.</p><p>“I have to hide in the backstage for a bit until more people show up, you can get yourself a drink though,” Lucio points to the bar, still giggling.</p><p>“I’m functioning currently with two braincells, leave me aloneee,” you turn around, walking over to the bar. You see Baptiste there already.</p><p>“Oh hey! (y/n)?” Baptiste squints at you. </p><p>“Yeah fam?”</p><p>“You look so different!” he beams.</p><p>“I’m an e-girl now, I know,” you laugh a little.</p><p>“Did you do it yourself?”</p><p>“You didn’t saw me back at Lucio’s home?? The girls did this for me.”</p><p>“No! I was busy loading up stuff to the truck.”</p><p>“Oh geez … But yeah Ashe, Angela, and Hana helped.”</p><p>“They did great!”</p><p>“I know like whoaaa airbrush.”</p><p>“You want something to drink?”</p><p>“Yeah but I’m paying,” you look through your bag to get your wallet.</p><p>“Oh I don’t mind! Let me buy you a drink,” Baptiste insists.</p><p>“Hell nah fam, that shit be expensive,” you shake your head.</p><p>“Okay okay fine, just don’t ever .. Like EVER leave your drink alone,” Baptiste sternly tell you.</p><p>“Roofie teaaaase,” you mumbled to yourself, looking through the list of drinks.</p><p>“… Okay I have no idea what to drink because I almost never drink,” you turn to Baptiste.</p><p>“Well I can recommend something,” Baptiste looks up at the list.</p><p>“I like sugary stuff, but it doesn’t have to be too sweet but yeah sweet,” you shrug.</p><p>Baptiste looks through, trying to think of a beverage you might like. You pull out some dollar bills and your drivers license meanwhile.</p><p>“Are you allergic to watermelon?” he asks. </p><p>“Nope, why?” you look up at Baptiste.</p><p>“Would you like a watermelon margarita?”</p><p>“That sounds cool, sure,” you shrug.</p><p>“Alright,” Baptiste nodded, walking over to be behind the bar.</p><p>“Wat?”</p><p>“I work here!” Baptiste laughs, making you crack a smile.</p><p>“I know your age; it’s coming right up,” Baptiste nodded.</p><p>You look in awe as Baptiste makes the drink, sitting on a stool after you pack your stuff. You notice quickly that people are coming in, the number of people rapidly increasing while a small line is formed. He eventually gets done, placing the drink on the table.</p><p>“Remember, don’t EVER take your drink out of your sight,” Baptiste said sternly with a point.</p><p>“Okei okei thank you fam and good luck!” you get off the stool to go back to Lucio.</p><p>Your lips stained the edge of the cup, tasting the drink. You smack a little, processing the taste. You shrug, the drink tasting decent and sweet enough. You jump when you noticed how many people are coming and the lights lowering. You quickly walk over to the platform, quickly climbing on top of it. You continue to drink, feeling the alcohol warming up your chest. You suddenly remember you do not know where the bathroom is, and you might need to go at some point in the night. You drink up your alcohol quickly, trying to vibe with the music.</p><p>It slowly hitting you that you are alone in a crowded place for the first time in your life. You feel yourself disconnect, staring down at these unfamiliar faces. You sip, thinking to yourself how lonely you are as a person. You think back to how you could not relate to people, how you do not text back often, how you do not even talk to your friends on your social media. You always felt alone because it is less painful and less risky. You are happy with these people with you tonight, but you still do not feel connected. They probably talk to each-other more often than with you.<br/>You look down to your cup, at the rosy liquid. You think to yourself … Do I want to stay this way forever? Will I stay fearing the world? You have a job, friends, you have a drink, you are at a club, and you are looking great. There are no bad people in your life and there is nothing to fear. You lower your eyelids, slowly realizing your life is completely different from a year ago. You graduated, you became friends with Lucio and now you are celebrating his success, you have a job that you applied with zero help … All while having to deal with crippling anxiety disorder and being neurodivergent.</p><p>You are (y/n) and there will never be someone like you in this world. You whip up from your cup, noticing the whole club is dark and the go-go dancers are already performing. You turn to your left to see Lucio is finally playing his own music as the crowd go wild.</p><p>You got up, gulping down the rest of your drink. You start to feel the buzz. You place the cup on the floor, starting to feel the vibes of the music. You realize you are doing a complicated version of your happy dance, not worried about tripping, or being seen. You keep telling yourself that today is the day you stop being afraid. You move your arms and shoulders, trying your best for your hips to move along as well. You hop and gesture your hands, closing your eyes shut. You did not notice the few people looking up at you, including Lucio.</p><p>He beams, happy to see you genuinely having fun for the first time. He remembers how you rarely smile besides showing nervousness. He only saw glimpses of your true self when looking at memes that makes you crack a smile or when you share your derpy moments like the Amsterdam discovery. Despite how distant you are from everyone; he tries his best to make you feel welcome. He does not know the few nights you freak out because you desperately did not want to feel close with anyone. He changes the song to a more hyped up version. He saw you stim a little – you spin and got intense with your moves.</p><p>“Oh Oh Oh Time to Accelerate!” Lucio points to the ceiling, hopping to the music.</p><p>The crowd hops along with their hands up. Lucio turns to you – but got confused when he saw some go-go dancers come to you and pull you with them to the backstage. Lucio whips back to the audience, trying not to look distracted. He is not sure if you are in trouble or … Oh you must have been on the platform where a dancer would be, maybe they must have mistaken you for one of them.</p><p>You look around, seeing where they are taking you. They randomly took you backstage over to the dressing room. You saw the girls that just got wet, drying their hair with a towel. You blushed, not used to seeing so much skin even though no one is naked.</p><p>“Fam I’m not a gogo dancer, why am I here? Don’t know why you are giving me this—” a girl throws you some outfits.</p><p>“Bruh they dragged me in here, I work for the DJ and got pulled in here… Yall need help with something?” you try to point out what happened. Everyone is too busy to listen to you because as they gave you the outfit, they ran off to do other errands.</p><p>This whole situation would have scared you if you were not so relaxed from the alcohol. You were expecting to be aggressive like your dad back in the day, but you end up being the complete opposite. You are just confused but too relax to fight. You only have the energy to be giggly.</p><p>… You decided to say “fuck it” and walk over to a tiny changing room. Maybe it will help Lucio have more attention, who knows. Anyways, you stare at the fabric … Will it fit? You see it’s a long-sleeve jumpsuit that has some garter belts connecting the matching boots. It’s your favorite color with black parts. You put it on, seeing it is snug. You put your boots on, although you know you are going to have a bad time with these heels. You look in the mirror. You stare for a while, turning around and seeing how revealing it is from the back, especially with how round you are all over.</p><p>“Oh my cheeks—wait a minute…” you quickly turn back around.</p><p>You stared at the mirror for a while. </p><p>“I … I look so pretty ha HA HA!” you laughed, blushing hard. You did not think about how long ago you genuinely thought that to yourself. You quickly noticed how smudge your lips look from drinking, so you quickly pull up your lipstick to apply it on again.</p><p>You packed your clothes in your bag. You walk out of the dressing room, walking over to the mirror to fix your hair. You quickly walk out of the dressing room, trying to find your way back to Lucio. You sigh out in relief when you find your way back, trying to walk as carefully as you could to Lucio. He is too busy jamming out to his music. You cover your ears, trying to ignore the cheering and the loud music. You sit down on the platform where Lucio is, looking at the go-go dancers doing their thing.</p><p>You don’t even look athletic like Charlie XCX herself … Why would they be dumb enough to confuse you as one of them? You only saw a few other girls that are in the same boat as you, which is great! Body positivity is great. You grimace at the dance moves, processing how tired they must be to do that for hours. Your lazy ass can n e v e r. You look over to Lucio, turning around to the floor to notice someone is tapping your boots. You see people in the audience hopping to the music but the ones close to you noticed you, raising their drinks and giving a handshake to your boot. You blankly look at them... Then you realize they are your friends. You lift your leg up far to cross your leg. They hoot at you with an “ooooh”, making you laugh and shake your head. You look into your bag, seeing a pack of gum and chocolate. You slowly start giving gum and chocolates to the people below you, asking if they want some. You sat there for a while, starting to get thirsty. You try to go down as carefully as you could, Angelo quickly walking up to put you down along with Angela. You mouth a thank you with a nod, walking over to your friends.</p><p>“You look so hot!” Ashe yells.</p><p>“Oh cool, you too,” you smile goofily.</p><p>You turn to Lena to see her with a redhead girl – oh wait that is her girlfriend. You are worried about making any of them jealous … But then they reach their hands out, patting your shoulder and giving you compliments even though you cannot hear them. You sigh, relieved that they feel so secure in their relationship.</p><p>“Hey let’s go to the bar,” Ashe points towards where it is.</p><p>You nodded, feeling thirsty. You walk with the group to the bar, creating a protective shield between you and the crowd. You all reach to the bar and you see Baptiste is still there.</p><p>“I didn’t know you are one of the dancers,” Baptiste laughs as he make drinks.</p><p>“I’m not! They got confused and brought me backstage – I might get yelled at,” you giggled nervously. </p><p>“I’m jealous of your body, geez,” Lena exclaim, holding onto her girlfriend.</p><p>“I’m – fam you look beautiful too,” you bow a little to Lena.</p><p>“Oh I know! Emily agrees too but geez, how come you don’t show off often!”</p><p>“I want people to focus on my heart than my body,” you touch your chest. You just realize how exposed your chest is. There is not much cleavage but – oh wait there is.</p><p>“That’s beautiful,” Angela giggles.</p><p>“I guess that’s a good point,” Lena nodded.</p><p>“… I didn’t know my boobs are that visible,” you stare down at your cleavage.</p><p>“Oh, it’s not too bad, I seen worse,” Angela shrug.</p><p>“I know but I never showed my boobs like .. E v e r,” you cover your chest by crossing your arms.</p><p>“(Y/n) there is a girl over there with pasties, you good,” Lena points out with a grin.</p><p>“LOOK JUST – Yeah I need a drink,” you turn around.</p><p>Ashe got hers, drinking up a Raspberry Cosmopolitan while Mei got Blue Lagoon.</p><p>“Whoa that one looks cool! I like the colors,” you look at Mei’s drink.</p><p>“Oh, it’s Blue Lagoon!” Mei show her drink off.</p><p>“Is it too sour?”</p><p>“It’s decent,” she shrugs.</p><p>“Hey we were sitting at the left side of the place near the shower thing,” Lena points out with her arms around Emily.</p><p>“You want me to stay with you?” Mei asks.</p><p>“Let them hoes try to fight me, I’ll be alright,” you raise your brows.</p><p>“You sure?” Mei asks.</p><p>“I would not take my eyes off my drink, I know, Baptiste told me a bunch of times,” you assure Mei.</p><p>“Oh yeah of course! He’s been through situations way too many times where someone try to roofie someone,” Angela frowns a little.</p><p>“Oh ew,” you grimace.</p><p>You turn to Baptiste, who has other coworkers helping him.</p><p>“Ayy you’re not along anymore!” you beam.</p><p>“Of course! How can I handle that many people??” Baptiste tilt his head.</p><p>“Hey, I want to try Blue Lagoon – it looks pretty,” you said.</p><p>“You sure? You’re not feeling too tipsy?” Baptiste asks.</p><p>“I just feel buzzed right now, I’ll stay close to the group,” you nodded.</p><p>“Okay, coming right up,” Baptiste goes to the back to start on your drink.</p><p>You turn around as to stop showing off your back, crossing your arms over your – you forgot there is no appropriate way to cross your arms. It will look weird if you squish down, but then it will look weird if you fold it below your breasts and will only make it more noticeable. You got too conscious of how much skin you are showing suddenly, feeling a little cold. Can you put your shirt over? No, you might get too hot. You rummage through your bag so you can pay for your drink, not thinking about how expensive it is to pay for two drinks. And both are for you. While you rummage through, you did not notice a tall man walk next to you to sit on the stool.</p><p>You look at your phone, seeing your sister is texting you. She’s just asking when you will come home. Okei mom. You text her back that you will come back late. You don’t know when, but you know it’s going to be really late. You put your phone away when you hear Baptiste calling you. You turn around a little.</p><p>“Here is your drink, DON’T LEAVE IT ALONE—” Baptiste starts with his lecture again before you cut him off. </p><p>“I KNOW I KNOW There are losers ready to roofie my shit,” you squint, rummaging your bag to pay. But then you jumped when the man next to you smack his money on the counter.</p><p>You blink, both you and Baptiste looking up to see who it is. You quickly took note on his height – this man can step on you and not notice at all. He has tired but friendly eyes, with his jawline on point. You love his thick eyebrows – you must force yourself not to compliment it. His hair is kind of a mess, much like yours though.</p><p>“Let me buy you the drink,” he said, his voice making you stand up straight and place your hand on your chest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Can we Dance?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your eyes widen a little, blinking quickly. This big, muscular man with the coolest eyebrows is asking if he can buy your drink – just out of nowhere.</p><p>“Wh – wait, no! It’s okay, I can afford it—” you continue to look through your bag.</p><p>“No, I insist,” he leans down on you, his hand out as if to stop you.</p><p>You freeze, trying your best not to say anything at all. You are worried he is going to throw hands with you if you were to let him buy your drink because now he will use that against you if you say no to him to anything. He’s not hideous but you don’t know him, and you are too messed up to start dating. Also, uhhhh he is huge. He will stomp you like a roach. He will overpower you and— you blushed slightly at the thought, which alarmed you when you quickly realize your feelings.</p><p>“(y/n)?” Baptiste asks.</p><p>You look up a little.</p><p>“I- I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t wish to intrude,” he said, starting to feel guilty.</p><p>“Oh it’s fine just—”</p><p>“It’s they.”</p><p>Your frown, slowly turning to see Mei still standing there… But then she quickly recognizes the man.</p><p>“Wait—Siebren??” Mei squints. </p><p>“Oh hey Dr. Zhou!” Siebren beams, waving at Mei.</p><p>“Oh call me Mei! It’s cool,” she nodded happily.</p><p>“Wait – you know this man?” you pointed a little.</p><p>“Oh yeah! We both like science stuff and he’s a coworker,” Mei explain.</p><p>“What a small world,” your expression relaxes, laying back at the table. Baptiste already started on the next order.</p><p>Your face scrunch up again, realizing that this man is going to know of your existence through Mei.</p><p>“So what are you doing here?” Mei ask before sipping on her drink.</p><p>“You don’t know? I like these types of things, makes me feel young,” Siebren chuckles.</p><p>“Ah good … But yeah uh—they are nonbinary, I was worried you were a random stranger,” Mei explain.</p><p>“Oh, I understand! I know people have to be cautious in these places, it’s good you are protective of your friend,” Siebren gave a kind smile.</p><p>“Yeah, so uh … Wait, what were you going to do for them?” Mei asks.</p><p>“I was going to buy that drink for he—wait, what pronouns?” Siebren leans closer to Mei, basically right next to you. You are too busy thinking too hard on how you are terrified of people remembering you, but then you space out when you start to daydream about men in black erasing memories… Wait, this dude’s cologne smells nice.</p><p>“They and them.”</p><p>“Ah my apologies – I was going to buy them a drink,” Siebren nodded.</p><p>“Oh that’s nice of you! Are you okay with that, (y/n)?” Mei turns to you.</p><p>Your face is so blank.</p><p>“(Y/n)?” Mei taps your arm. You blink slowly.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to frighten you, if that’s what I did,” Siebren frowns a little when he turns to you. </p><p>“(y/n)? You okay?” Mei taps your shoulder more.</p><p>“Oh, geez your hands are cold, you okay?” you quickly turn to Mei.</p><p>“It’s the drink! But yeah – Oh! (y/n), this is Siebren,” Mei introduce her tall friend to you.</p><p>“Pleasure to meet you,” Siebren gave his hand out for a handshake.</p><p>“My name is (y/n), nice to meet you too,” you nodded, attempting to give him a handshake.</p><p>You stare at the size difference of his hand and yours. You gulp.</p><p>“Saw you dancing, you seem so happy,” Siebren smiled.</p><p>“I came to the conclusion that I don’t want to be scared all the time – this is my first time even doing any of this,” you gesture at everything.</p><p>“You never went out?”</p><p>“I never wore stuff like this, wore make-up like this, hang out with friends like this, dance like this—A lot of stuff is happening and I’m not sure how to handle it other than try to be grateful for the good stuff in my life,” you explain thoughtfully, glancing at your friends in the distance.</p><p>“That’s very good … May I still?”</p><p>“May you what?”</p><p>“May I buy the drink for you?”</p><p>“You know what, sure,” you shrug.</p><p>Siebren nodded, giving his money to the bartender that is not Baptiste. You noticed that Siebren has a drink of his own, which he proceeds to sip.</p><p>“… Are you going to ask for head later?” you suddenly ask.</p><p>Siebren chokes on his drink while Mei almost did. You move away a little, blinking. He composes himself enough after having a coughing fit, turning to you with a slight blush on his face.</p><p>“P-Pardon?” he asks, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.</p><p>Why is this man oddly cute? Weird, you do not remember the last time you look at a human and thought that way. Hopefully he doesn’t later turn out to be Satan incarnate or something.</p><p>“Uhh Thank you for the drink!” you smile a little, although you are not sure if he is going to buy it. Mei knew that was a fat lie, but she didn’t want to out you in front of him to fluster the both of you.</p><p>“Oh uh.. you are welcome,” Siebren gave a sweet smile.</p><p>“You okay though? You choke a little there,” you point out.</p><p>“No no I’m good, just eheh,” Siebren giggles nervously, not wanting to tell you what he thought he heard you say since it is inappropriate.</p><p>You sip your drink, quickly tasting the liquor and the lemonade. You keep drinking, feeling that familiar warmth in your chest.</p><p>“Let’s go back to the group,” Mei suggested, holding your hand suddenly.</p><p>“Okei,” you shrug.</p><p>“Nice to see you Siebren! I’ll see you at work,” Mei waves happily, quickly walking away with you.</p><p>“Same to you! Have a good evening,” Siebren raise his glass.</p><p>Mei and you gingerly walk through the dancing crowd.</p><p>“(y/n) why you gotta say that??” Mei squint.</p><p>“I didn’t know if he is going to come out the cut and tell me something messed up like “well I bought you a drink and I don’t get anything in return??”” you puppet your hand.</p><p>“No! He’s really sweet, at least I think so,” Mei looks down.</p><p>“Mei look what I’m wearing—why else would he buy me a drink out of all the people in this establishment?” you place your hand on your hip.</p><p>“I think he always did that since he brought me coffee before,” Mei shrug.</p><p>Your heart hurt… Wait why?? Why did your heart hurt? Is it out of pride? Like “damnit I want him to buy me a drink because he thought I was special uwu”. Even that is out of character for you because you do not want <em>anyone</em> to notice you, let alone look at you.</p><p>“Look, there is the group!” Mei grabs your hand to pull to the rest of the group.</p><p>“Where’s Angelo and Hana?” you look around.</p><p>“Oh, he’s taking video footage while Hana is trying to post stuff to Lucio’s social media,” Angela points to the crowd.</p><p>You sat down on the table with these girls. You kept sipping your drink, although you feel kind of bad you are not doing much for Lucio. You are so used to being busy that it feels off not to do anything. You quickly relax though, looking over to the crowd.</p><p>“… So I almost asked a random dude if he wanted me to suck him off—” you started.</p><p>Mei spits out her drink again, Ashe’s and Angela’s eyes widening.</p><p>“I THOUGHT HE WAS PLANNING TO ASK FOR SOMETHING SHADY I don’t know what these men are thinking but it ain’t pretty,” you lower your eyelids while furrowing your brows.</p><p>“He’s a sweet old man, he isn’t going to do that!” Mei exclaim, blushing.</p><p>“He was an older guy too?!” Ashe gave a confused look.</p><p>“So that’s your type?” Angela grins.</p><p>“I’m – Look, I thought he was going to ask me that to return a favor,” you explain slowly.</p><p>“What favor?” Ashe scrunch up her brows.</p><p>“They think he is going to ask them to do him a .. favor just because he paid for their drink,” Mei look away with an embarrassed look.</p><p>“He PAID for their drink?” Ashe widen her eyes in surprise.</p><p>“That’s a flirt for sure!” Lena laughs, still holding onto her girlfriend.</p><p>“He is always nice like that though! He would buy drinks either for me or Moira,” Mei pouts.</p><p>“Mei you are too sweet,” Lena peers at her unamused.</p><p>“You calling him a thot?” you turn to Lena.</p><p>“A what?” Lena asks.</p><p>“Like a player?” Angela points up.</p><p>“Is he a player?” Ashe turns to Lena.</p><p>“This man watches Bill Nye the Science Guy in his free time, how is he a player??” Mei gives a confused look.</p><p>“I mean the last dude I fell for liked playing video games and he got four girlfriends when he was talking to me,” you sip your drink calmly.</p><p>They all got super quiet. You almost never talk about your experience with love … They suddenly start screaming at one another.</p><p>“HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?? DID THOSE GIRLS KNOW?!” Lena exclaims.</p><p>“Shiii I’m not good enough to be one of them,” you shake your head, laughing pitifully.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s how polycules works?” Emily ask softly.</p><p>“Isn’t that when the love is shared?” Lena turns to Emily.</p><p>“Didn’t he even let you know?!” Ashe glares.</p><p>“Do you want a polycule or a harem?” Angela ask blankly.</p><p>“Wait, there’s a difference?” Ashe turns to Angela.</p><p>“Is polygamy and polycule the same thing?” Angela looks back at Ashe.</p><p>“Polygons—” Mei is too confused to understand the subject.</p><p>“What’s the difference between polyamory and swingers?” Lena ask with her pointed finger up.</p><p>“It’s not the same thing?!” Ashe exclaims.</p><p>You finished your drink as they kept arguing about the situation before you get up from the table, walking over to the dance floor.</p><p>At some point they stopped, looking over at you disappearing into the crowd.</p><p>“… Oh, that sucks,” Lena looks down.</p><p>The girls glances at her. Lena remembers you talking about your heart being dead all the time. None of them knew that there was a ridiculous situation like that happening to you. You must have loved the guy, which rarely ever happens, only to get blindsided by the whole four girlfriend thing. How did the situation even go down?</p><p>“I want to give this little shit a piece of my mind,” Ashe smack her fist on her palm.</p><p>“No wonder they seem so hesitant on dating and don’t talk about it often – they are demisexual too, that means the one rare occasion they felt anything to a person ended up being a disaster,” Lena frowns.</p><p>The women look down at the table.</p><p>“Siebren isn’t like that, he is just really lonely – I think he is kind of like (y/n),” Mei points out.</p><p>“He is?” Angela ask softly, the girls turning to Mei.</p><p>“Now that I think about it … He tends to be lonely a lot too, just that he feels too self-conscious of how awkward he is,” Mei wonders out loud.</p><p>“Wait, who is Siebren?” Ashe asks.</p><p>“The guy they were going to ask a dumb question to,” Mei replies.</p><p>“Oh…” Ashe nodded.</p><p>You managed to find the bathroom, changing back to your own clothes without messing with your makeup. You are trying not to remember the incident. It is funny though. It broke your heart because your “friendship” with this guy ended terribly, but the situation is so funny when told out loud. You broke up with your first bf, then that situation, then this dude that probably cheated on his wife took advantage of how inexperienced you are with sex, then you had to break this one kid’s heart because you quickly realize you don’t love him deeply. He still stalks your Twitter sometimes. You still remember that guy with the girlfriends specifically because the way he made you feel, like making you feel part of something, and his kind words are what made you happy. He did not cherish you like how he is cherishing this girl that is cucking her boyfriend right now. She was the last of the girlfriends while everyone else left him. It hurts you. You are always used as an escape instead of being genuinely loved. You are trying not to think too much. Ashe worked too hard on the eyes for you to ruin it with your tears.</p><p>You look up to the mirror, seeing your sad confused eyes. You blink quickly, feeling the tears. Your physical beauty is the only thing people notices. You did not show off your curves anymore since no one is going to pay attention to who you are… You place your elbows on the sink and stick your fingers through your front hair, looking down. You forgot how alcohol would magnify your feelings. You feel buzzed but you notice the increased effect alcohol has on you. You can still move around. You got off from the sink, fixing your hair. You fix your lips once again, washing your hands then leaving the bathroom.</p><p>You walk over to the dance floor, looking up at the faces of strangers. They do not bat an eye. You sigh in relief. You realize Lucio is now playing some other music other than his own to hype up the crowd. You quickly recognize the song, quickly started to dance a little. You are trying to start doing the happy dance you were doing, trying to forget your stupid failures. You are happy being alone anyway!</p><p>You spin around, moving your shoulders side to side. You heard someone call your name. You look over to see your friends with Hana. You walk over to them, quickly remembering to be grateful for them. You continue to dance with them, not feeling alone anymore. Lena and Emily are in their own world while the rest of the girls are dancing along with you. Those people that took advantage of you are so stupid for throwing you away! You are so funny and pretty, how dare they! You are (y/n). Your body grew graceful despite the alcohol, your eyes shut. You did not realize you are slowly gravitating to someone else, carefully spinning together like a binary system of two stars. You suddenly feel at peace. You realize you are safe; you are away from all the bad people. You try to remind yourself you are safe, and you are fine. You feel the vibes do not feel atrocious or suspicious. Not like that kid. Not like the situation. Not like the ones that broke your heart. You spin and spin, only to slip on a piece of flier. Your eyes widen in surprise – instead of feeling pain, you felt someone holding your waist and shoulder. It felt uncomfortable from how stiff their fingers are. He gently pulls you back on your feet.</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>You blink, kind of recognizing the voice. You look up to Siebren. You turn your head, cupping your ear. Siebren lowers himself a little, asking you gently if you are okay. Your shoulders stiffen from the sound of his voice, but you nodded yes quickly.</p><p>“Can you do me one favor?” Siebren ask.</p><p>You blink slowly, expecting him to ask something weird now.</p><p>“May I have this dance?”</p><p>Wait wat. You look up to him. He is bowing to you, holding his hand out. You blink slowly, looking up to realize the dance floor is empty but with couples like Emily and Lena. Slow dancing music is playing now. You look back down to Siebren, still holding his hand out. You hesitantly take his hand.</p><p>Siebren gently lift his arm up to make you twirl for him. You are not sure where to grab at until Siebren place your hand on his back while he holds your other hand. He kept a firm grip of your waist. You gently sway with him, trying not to be groggy.</p><p>“Sir I don’t know what I’m doing,” you mumble.</p><p>“Look at my shoes,” Siebren suggested.</p><p>You look down, trying your best to be in sync with his foot work. You feel so shy and vulnerable. Why does he feel so pure though? This is so odd. Are you that lonely you want to hang out with this dude?? You think “I mean … He’s not ugly, just looks tired. Geez what perfume he got on? He smells really nice. Wait, do I smell nice? What if I sweated out my perfume and now I smell like a wet dog? This poor man. Oh god I messed up on the footwork. This is so awkward, why did I say yes? Wait what if you start to hate him like that one dude? Hol up did Mei said he likes watching Bill Nye the Science Guy in his free time?”--</p><p>Siebren looks down to you, seeing only the top of your head. He can barely see your eyes twitching as you mind race. He wonders if you know how much he is screaming inside – like oh geez, he hopes he does not scare you away with how awkward and invasive he is. He is perfectly fine being your friend and nothing more. Not even the shady kind just – be the greatest pals to watch Bill Nye the Science Guy with. He can smell cherry blossom from you faintly… Oh you are tiny compared to him. You reach right at his lower chest. He gulps. He drank something but the buzz is not enough to relax him.</p><p>The group is watching you and Siebren, giggling among each-other.</p><p>“Whoa who is that with (y/n)?” Hana ask with a mischievous grin.</p><p>“It’s Mei’s coworker,” Lena said.</p><p>“See? I told you he is a gentleman,” Mei nodded.</p><p>“So (y/n) have a preference for older men?” Ashe raises her brows.</p><p>“No no they said they are not planning on dating anyone right now,” Angela reminds them.</p><p>“But what if he ends up changing their mind?” Hana suggests.</p><p>They do notice how awkward you are being, but Mei knows that the <em>both</em> of you are being odd. You are too focused on trying to keep up with his dancing while Siebren is too self-conscious. You didn't raise your head up to look at his worried face. </p><p>Now you are staring right at his arms, noticing the flex. You squint, laying your head on his lower chest. Siebren stiffens a little, peering down to see you kind of snuggling up to him. You are trying not to accidentally stain Siebren’s dark shirt with your foundation while trying to investigate his muscles. Then you realize the flesh your head is resting on feels slightly hard too. Siebren giggles when you suddenly grab at his tummy, patting it to feel around. Then you pat at his arm. Siebren watch your expressions grow increasingly confused as you feel his arms. You pull your hand away, your brows furrowed.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” Siebren chuckles nervously.</p><p>You stay quiet, placing your hand back to his back until the rest of the song is done. He lets you go, but he is surprised to feel you cling to him for a little bit before stepping back.</p><p>“Thank you,” Siebren bows a little.</p><p>“I forgot your name,” you flip your hair off your shoulders.</p><p>“Siebren; Siebren De Kuiper,” he reminds you.</p><p>You nodded, although you doubt you are going to remember since you are horrible with names. You suddenly gave him a huge hug, tearing up a little. Siebren is taken aback at first but melted, hugging you back. You finally let him go, although you are going to miss this Goliath-looking individual. You hope he does not turn out to be a monster later. You ran back to your friends, quickly being suspicious at how cheery and giggly they are.</p><p>“Please tell me you didn’t ask him that weird question again—” Mei starts.</p><p>“N-no,” you shake your head.</p><hr/><p>The group left the mall at 3 in the morning. Lucio and Baptiste are the only ones sober to drive. They ordered a bunch of food from Jack in the Box before going back to Lucio’s place. You are drunk from drinking two beverages to yourself, which cause you to go to the bathroom a bunch of times. You drank a coke, eating the food along with your friends. You do not remember much from that night because you are so emotionally and physically exhausted. You do not remember ever going out for this long.</p><p>Lena and Emily are outside on the balcony while the rest of the group sat around the coffee table. Hana is busy on her laptop editing some videos away from the living room. You end up napping on the table at some point, drooling a little.</p><p>“… I hope they had a great time,” Mei said.</p><p>“I hope so too, they must have since I never saw them dance or show off at all like today,” Lucio munch at his French fries.</p><p>“I’m thinking that I never really saw them smile often,” Mei shake her head a little.</p><p>“No, they don’t,” Lucio shakes his head along.</p><p>“I wonder why? They don’t talk often and I’m usually the quiet one.”</p><p>“I think people were just impatient with them, so it stuck to them.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You know how people are when someone is different; they assume the worse.”</p><p>“Just because they are autistic?”</p><p>“I don’t really see it as a bad thing though, they just have a different way to think and communicate … I hope their new job isn’t going to treat them harshly.”</p><p>“Oh no! I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, I don’t think so either.”</p><p>“Yall are so sweet, yall know that?” Ashe comments.</p><p>“I’m all about positivity, it’s what everyone must do,” Lucio shrug.</p><p>“I don’t talk to them as often as I should, but I can relate to (y/n) with not wanting to talk about their feelings; it’s painfully awkward and it’s vulnerable,” Ashe rubs her arms.</p><p>“Oh, I know,” Lucio nodded.</p><p>“I barely talk about my family issues because I’m thinking it’s not a huge deal, since I’m a rich girl and you been through poverty,” Ashe shrug.</p><p>“Ashe, sadness attacks anyone and anything, no matter what background,” Lucio smiled softly.</p><p>“But you been through worse! I feel like all my problems are first-world and people always point out how privileged I am all the time – my first best friend would say stuff like that to me but I didn’t let it bother me,” Ashe shake her head.</p><p>“But you are still a human with feelings and use your experiences for good,” Mei reach her hand out to Ashe.</p><p>“Yeah just – I’m worried that (y/n) feels that way about being vulnerable, they think it’s really nothing,” Ashe glance over to you, your face planted on the coffee table.</p><p>“Is it because I grew up in Brazil?” Lucio asks.</p><p>“Oh, I thought it was from my experience growing up in Hong Kong,” Mei added.</p><p>“All that is way worse than having absent parents – they are not even absent though, just never around for me to talk to them except for BOB,” Ashe frowns.</p><p>“But your feelings are still true! This is not a measuring contest on who had it worse than others,” Lucio smiled sadly.</p><p>Your phone suddenly starts ringing. They search around until Angela pointed out where it is coming from.</p><p>“Should we answer?” Angela suggests.</p><p>“What if they think we kidnapped them – wait who is it?” Mei looks over.</p><p>Angela rummage through your bag, getting your phone. It just says “Amy” on it.</p><p>“Amy?”</p><p>“Oh that’s her sister,” Lucio said.</p><p>Angela answers the phone since she knows how protective siblings are. There’s been a bunch of times her brother Angelo freaks out when she doesn’t answer her phone when going out. It’s annoying but she completely understands his worries.</p><p>“Hello? Is this (y/n)’s sister?”</p><p>The group stares at Angela, nodding her head slowly.</p><p>“They are sleeping right now, but they can’t drive because they had a few drinks … You can pick them up if you really want to, do you want the address?” Angela ask, not wanting your sister to think the worse.</p><p>“I didn’t know they had a sister…” Ashe whisper.</p><p>“Yeah, they live with their older sister since they graduated,” Lucio said.</p><p>“Okay, but yeah they are safe – they were just eating,” Angela assures.</p><p>You suddenly sit up, blinking.</p><p>“I—Oh, they are awake now but yeah the address is ..” Angela looks over to you.</p><p>You start to slowly eat the rest of your curly fries while Angela tells your sister where you are.</p><p>“Hey it’s your sister,” Angela gives you the phone.</p><p>You take it, trying to greet your sister as calmly as possible.</p><p>“I’m coming over to pick you up, you okay?” Amy asks.</p><p>“I’m tired but yeah,” you said, although your voice is deep.</p><p>“How much did you drink?”</p><p>“I drank this watermelon thing and then this blue thing – like only two drinks,” you scratch the back of your head.</p><p>“You sound a little normal.”</p><p>“Really? I don’t know, but yeah I can’t drink and drive – I ain’t my dad,” you said unamused.</p><p>Your dad drove under the influence? You didn’t notice how shocked your friends are at the small comment.</p><p>“Just yeah, I’m picking you up – did anyone did anything to you?”</p><p>“No? I was with my friends the whole time and they been protective of me.”</p><p>“Good, but yeah text me the address and I’ll come along.”</p><p>“Okei, be careful.”</p><p>You hang up, quickly opening up your text messages to send her the address.</p><p>“I think we should help you remove your makeup before you sleep in it,” Ashe suggested.</p><p>“Uhh okay,” you shrug.</p><p>Ashe helps you get back on your feet, walking over to the bathroom to start cleaning off your makeup.</p><p>“I got makeup remover, hold on!” Angela quickly got up with her purse.</p><hr/><p>You woke up at 11 am, blinking slowly. You feel gross all over but thankfully no hangover. You got up from the bed to eat some cereal, scratching your head. You barely remember brushing your teeth and switching to your bed wear. Your sister is not working today, so she is still around. She eventually comes out of her room, walking over to make cereal too. You said a quiet hello, still too timid around her. She sat down with her cereal, looking at her phone. You blink, peering down at your cereal as you try to remember everything last night.</p><p>“You are surprisingly calm when you are drunk,” she comments.</p><p>You look up, blinking. She avoids eye-contact, much like you.</p><p>“I … Yeah I just danced a lot, I only get giggly when I’m drunk… Honestly, I’m surprised too,” you shrug.</p><p>You do not remember ever specifying stuff about your childhood, but your father was an alcoholic. He quit at some point, but the damage is done. You and your sister remembers how aggressive he got, the arguments, how he sometimes never comes home, how you get so worried that he must have died or something because you know he has that bad habit of drunk driving. His alcoholism affected his relationship with your mother, which creates a disgusting environment for you to grow up in as an anxious little kid. Your sister would scoff as you try to explain your perspective, telling you she has been through the worst part of his alcoholism since she is five years older than you.</p><p>You forgave your dad since you been spending a lot of time with him before you moved away and it’s been years since he last came home drunk, but you are not sure about your sister. Sometimes you wonder if your sister sees you as being just as stupid as your mom and dad. You would be surprised; you expect yourself to be the vengeful one and not her since she constantly gives this front that she is cool and collected. But she honestly is not okay either.</p><p>“When do you start working?” Amy suddenly asks.</p><p>“Next Monday but training is this Monday,” you reply, picking up the last pieces of cereal.</p><p>“I’m not waking you up,” Amy mumbles.</p><p>“I know mom,” you scrunch your nose up before drinking up the milk.</p><p>“Your mom has to scream at you to do shit,” she said.</p><p>“I know but I been better, now that no one is around to enable me,” you grumble, walking over to the sink to clean your bowl.</p><p>“Let’s go pick your car up,” Amy reminds you.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Who you Are</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning uhh someone jacks off idk why I thought it's a good idea -- also some talk that may or may not trigger gender dysphoria. I'm not sure how to describe being nonbinary because it's such a broad identity that includes genderfluid, pangender, trans-masculine etc. I'm still learning more about myself and identity as someone that describes themselves as nonbinary, so I wrote the first part of the chapter that may comfort someone else that is just as confused as I am. Nowadays I'm still feeling odd because of truscum shenanigans and from self-hate. idk just remember that only you understand yourself better than anyone else and it's up to you to figure out who you are. I'm still struggling with personal issues but I'm slowly healing -- writing about Sigma is so comforting to me and he's been helping me feel better about the bad stuff that happened recently. Shout out to LadyLunoma and Ultradiplr they make some great fanfics if you love Sigma! Please check them out yall</p><p>I'm not taking myself seriously with the stuff I write because I'm honestly just goofing off and sharing it with yall lmao</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After picking up your car then going back home, you spent most of your day just in bed. You answered your worried friend’s texts from last night, asking if you got a hangover or feel sick… Then you remember about your job. You quickly got up from your bed, walking over to your closet. You scratch your scalp while looking around. You have some hand-me-downs from your sister or that one cosplay outfit you had for W.D. Gaster. You thought for a while if maybe you have the energy to go today, despite being out clubbing late last night. You're not used to it but you don't have much to do these days other than get ready for your new job on Monday. You walk back to your bed and lay down on it, getting on your phone to text Mei. You kind of trust her since you know she is just as quiet as you are. </p><p>“Hey Mei I’m going to start training on Monday for my new job but I need help ;; I don't have any clothes since I been wearing shirts and jeans since I was 9”</p><p>You lay down, quickly checking your Twitter out of habit until Mei quickly reply to you. </p><p><br/>“I have a coworker who might be good at it but I don’t know if she is busy nowadays, but we can hang with the group either today or tomorrow to look for some clothes,” Mei texted back.</p><p>“Okei because my sister’s old business clothes don’t fit on me.”</p><p>“I understand – how are you though? Do you feel sick?”</p><p>“I’m okay, I wasn’t that drunk.”</p><p>“Oh good, I’ll ask everyone if they have time tomorrow.”</p><p>“Thank you, but it’s also cool if yall can’t come.”</p><p>You put your phone down, picking your sketchbook up to start drawing whatever doodles you needed to make… You froze. You were trying to draw yourself, but the character looks like a stranger. Is that you? You start to feel sick, remembering how you do not have a persona because you have no idea what kind of person you are and who exactly do you want to be. Or does the real you are even compatible with the ideal you? Who are you?</p><p>You felt crushed, realizing you been at it for years. You have no idea who you are other than you always saw yourself as a coward. You are too scared to show your true self, but you have no idea what it is either. What is the truth? The person you present to others or who you are inside?</p><p>You look over to the character on the paper with a suit on. You wanted to have an office job and wear a suit. Why does this image seem so disconnected from who you are as a person? You scratch your cheek, your tired eyes blinking slowly. You get angry when people only acknowledge you as a girl, but then you are not too masculine either. You’re just you. You liked doing some feminine stuff, but …<br/>… Wait, you are too preoccupied on what other people think. Like the same people that would call you a trender for being nonbinary. You scrunch the ends of your brows, glaring down at your sketchbook as you try to draw yourself femininely. Maybe a cute dress? You try to draw yourself, but you stopped when the gross feeling only got worse. You stare at the character with longer hair and make-up. They don't seem to fit you either. </p><p><br/>You look over to your phone, grabbing it to message Lena as to distract yourself.</p><p>“Hey fam hope you and your waifu is fine.”</p><p>You look down to your sketchbook, recognizing no one in the doodles. Some have long hair, some have short hair, some looks like a boy while others look like a girl. What does androgyny look like? Do you have to be masculine to be nonbinary? Are you?? The most androgynous person on that paper is that person that is close to how you present yourself -- a person that wears comfortable plain clothing and a tired look on your face. </p><p>“OH hey! I forgot to text you but I want to commission you something for Emily because our anniversary is coming &lt;3”</p><p>“Oh alright! That’s cool, I’ll sent you a commission sheet .. You sure you don’t want it for free?”</p><p>“I already paid you”</p><p>“Hol up when”</p><p>“Just now on your Paypal– I want it full-colored, the whole shebang”</p><p>“Oh okei! I’ll start right away”</p><p>“How are you though?”</p><p>You hesitated for a good minute, not sure whether to be honest with your feelings… Lena isn’t going to understand but she’s been the most accepting.</p><p>“I feel like a faker – I’m having an existential crisis because I can’t seem to draw myself. I don’t know who I am and it’s getting to a point where I’m questioning myself as a person.”</p><p>“How? What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I liked being feminine, but I hate people seeing me as a girl ..but that is so unavoidable. I don’t know who I am or what I’m supposed to be.”</p><p>You look around, feeling so odd about the situation. You are honestly scared.</p><p>“Have you come out to your parents or coworkers?”</p><p>“Hell no”</p><p>“Then how is your gender an attention-seeking behavior? You genuinely are nonbinary, no matter how masculine or feminine you are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”</p><p>“But I’m a girl acting like a girl therefore I’m a girl??”</p><p>“There are plenty of nonbinary afabs that are feminine, you are not faking anything because guess what? You know yourself way better than these idiots know you”</p><p>You sighed.</p><p>“Okay, but I still am confused on who I am as a person. Like is it someone I present or how I am inside? How is that compatible?” you reply.</p><p>“Honestly society didn’t give anyone the third option, which is why many nonbinary people feel like they can’t fit in anywhere since there isn’t a role model for them. Only representation they had was in cartoons and shows but it’s still super rare. I understand how confused and afraid you are, though.”</p><p>“Oh I get it, but I understand that being worried about what others think is not letting me live authentically as myself. I’m just scared.”</p><p>“I understand, and I’m sorry you haven’t come out to your parents. Does your sister know?”</p><p>You scratch your arm nervously. You are not sure if you ever talk about your sister with these people.</p><p>“I think she doesn’t take it seriously – I can’t really trust her with much information because her friends are extremely transphobic and homophobic.”</p><p>You blink slowly. You are happy for your sister to have friends to talk to everyday but ever since she started being friends with these people, you could not help but feel like their horrible ideas are sticking to her. She was at first opposed but you know that if something is repeated enough, it starts to sound believable. You remember the bad things they done, like bullying a girl when they found out her girlfriend is a trans woman and posting personal information of this one girl for breaking up with one of their friends. </p><p>“Oh my god. I have no idea ;; I’m so sorry”</p><p>“Yeahhh I can’t really trust her because I’m afraid they are influencing her, especially since her boyfriend are good friends with them and follow their logic.”</p><p>“Oh geez, that is really not good…”</p><p>“So uhh yeah, I’m not sure who I am as a person.”</p><p>“You are (y/n)! You are derpy, funny, strong, and so unique”</p><p>“I’m funny because I always wanted a funny friend”</p><p>“That’s cool, just remember you are a good person and you know yourself best”</p><p>“Thank you a bunch! Did Mei ask you anything?”</p><p>“About going to the mall? Yeah she did and I’ll help look for cool clothing for you ^3^”</p><p>“Ah okay! Also uhh thank you, I’m feeling a little better now.”</p><p>“Good! I was hoping you open up more often since you are always closed off, just remember you can trust us ;w;”</p><p>“I just didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, but thank you”</p><p>“You won’t! Friends are here for the good and bad times”</p><p>“Thank you fam – I’m going to start on your commission since I’m fast”</p><p>“It’s cool! Take your time ^^”</p><p>You get up from your bed, walking up to your desk to turn on your laptop. After your laptop is on, you quickly open up the program you use to draw. You pull up your tablet, starting on the sketch. You are trying to remember Lena’s advice, trying to drive it into your skull. You turn to your bag to spot something -– oh shit. That skimpy outfit from yesterday. You forgot to give it back last night. You look at your phone.</p><p>“Hey since some people would spend time with their families tomorrow, do you think you can come to the mall today?”</p><hr/><p>He opens his eyes slowly, seeing how late it is on his alarm clock – 12:34 PM. He got nervous until he quickly remembers today is Saturday. He turns to lay on his back, humming tiredly. He feels oddly warm and cuddly. Siebren peers over, lifting the covers off him to look under. </p><p>Siebren opens his legs, looking down to notice himself getting hard. He didn't process that he slept without his underwear on. He sighs out heavily, his left hand moving around to grab at his tissue papers. He grips his rod, starting to pump into his hand. His breath grew heavy, his other arm roughly moving his bed cover away from him. He tightens his grip on his thick cock. He would have used lube, but he did not want to make too much of a mess on himself.</p><p>He suddenly thought of something, or someone, making him have a sharp intake of breath. He sped up the pumping and start giving out small squeaks and moans. He sweats and feel his cheeks reddening as he tries to imagine pet play or some schoolgirl fantasy—he bit his bottom lips, remembering someone soft and shy and tiny and so so so pretty… He did an “ah—” the moment he orgasms, his other hand quickly covering his cock with a tissue paper to catch his cum. In his high, his body relaxes onto his bed as he breaths heavily. It took him 5 minutes to realize who he thought about. He suddenly felt guilty, his eyes avoiding looking at his half-hard cock. He shakes the thoughts away, throwing away the cum tissue after quickly getting up.</p><p>He realizes he did not wear his sleep wear at all. He quickly walks over to the shower, disgusted at himself for not doing so the night before. He does not remember when he got home… Oh wait, this isn’t even his home. He grimaces, realizing he just busted a nut in a place that isn’t his home. He knows there are people that hook up in hotels but still, ew… He hops into the shower and start the water.</p><p>He remembered what happened. Even though he knows what he is doing and didn’t got completely drunk, he still knows it’s wrong to drive. So he just went to the hotel connected to the mall to sleep over and go home the next day. He did that enough to randomly have extra clothing in his car. He knows that he is odd for that, but he is always trying to find some random way to feel young. He knows he is old, and he can’t avoid his mortality, but he is more so regretful of how he spent most of his youth on working too hard instead of having fun once in a while. He was those people that try to hustle, focusing only on his scientific studies and work.</p><p>He gets off the shower, rustling his messy hair. Ever since he shaved it completely a year or two ago, his hair grew out to be fuller. It was weird but it could be he is eating more veggies instead of trying to survive with two meals and a sugar snack. Even though he still does the same thing sometimes. Geez he really loves dessert. But he ate broccoli with his grilled chicken yesterday so that is good enough, right?</p><p>He knows it’s too late for breakfast, so he dresses himself up with his clothes he got scrambling to his car then back last night. He cringes at how wrinkly some parts are but it’s good enough. He looks at the clock; it’s 1:12 PM. He feels so off having to wake up that late. He scratches the back of his head, trying to think of where to go for breakfast. There are some diners that specializes in breakfast, like that pancake place. Should he eat pancakes? Wait he didn’t do any squats. Did he work-out at all? Ugh he feels so gross. He looks for his phone and bag, getting ready to check out and leave.</p><p>After doing so, he walks through the mall that is now bustling with people. He towers over lots of them, feeling oddly out. He peers down, seeing so many people spending time with their family or their friends. Siebren feels happy for them. One thing he regrets about his wasted youth is how cold he was; he had experiences with romance here and there, but he was so focused on his career that he ended up mostly alone. He shakes the thoughts away, not wanting to start feeling sad when he is already feeling weird about getting up so late. He really needs to look for friends; he has some, but they are also focused on their work, like Mei and Moira. Mei is really sweet, though. He tries to advise them not to make the same mistakes that he did. Mei responded to his worries, saying that she does spend time with friends at least occasionally. Moira is the complete opposite; she thinks they just pull you back and cause unnecessary drama.</p><p>“Friendships aren’t as glamorous as you think, it’s not like Disney shows,” Moira said, glaring to the side. </p><p>Siebren disagrees, feeling sorry for Moira because he assumes she got those opinions because she had bad friends that hurt her when she was younger. He looks over to the club entrance, seeing it empty—oh wait it is not empty. He got close and saw someone running up before stopping to catch their breath. He pulls himself to a corner where people cannot push him around, looking at the person. His heart beats excitedly, realizing it’s that person he met yesterday and.. The guilt hit him again, remembering what he did first thing when he woke up.</p><p>You shake your head, walking away with the crowd then running fast when you come across a Kiosk worker. Siebren giggles and quickly forgot what he felt guilty about-- until he saw the man at the Kiosk chasing after you. He quickly pops out, speeding up pass the worker to be right behind you.</p><hr/><p>“That’s messed up, you basically stole that,” Lena looks over to you.</p><p>Only Ashe, Mei, and Lena showed up to be with you. Everyone else like Angela, Hana, and Lucio are busy with other stuff. Hana would stream on the weekends then play with her audience while Lucio is working on his music.</p><p>“I know, I feel bad about it... I think I know where it is so yeah, let me just bring these back before I forget again,” you turn away from the group, walking over to where the entrance to the club is.</p><p>It took you a while until you found the stairs, walking down on it to the empty area. You are not sure where to place this thing since no one is around. Maybe look for any open doors? You try to remember where the dressing room is until you spot a woman with brown hair and pale skin there. You froze. You don’t know if you can talk to her. Then she turns around and looks at you. Her eyes are an amber yellow.</p><p>“Hey, this outfit was in the dressing room,” you pull out the boots and the jumpsuit.</p><p>She got close, observing what you got.</p><p>“Oh, okay,” she nodded, taking the clothes.</p><p>“Y-Yeah, I’m very sorry for not giving it back yesterday,” you apologize, although you are not sure what facial expression to give. Should you look sad? Still smile? Have a poker face?</p><p>“Cherie?”</p><p>You glance up to the girl.</p><p>“If they confused you so easily, maybe you were good at this … Would you like to be a dancer? We are always hiring,” she tilts her head. You blink, appearing more confused.</p><p>“I—I have zero training, I was just having fun,” you shrug.</p><p>“We provide classes too,” she said.</p><p>“Oh cool! Just that I recently got a new job, but thank you for the offer,” you nodded.</p><p>“Alright,” she smiled a little.</p><p>“Have a good weekend,” you bow a little before quickly leaving, the girl nodding then turning around.</p><p>You try to steady your breathing after running up the stairs; you couldn’t help but think you look dumb huffing. You shake your head, walking out of the entrance and suddenly see one man aggressively walking up to you with something in his hand. Oh god it’s a kiosk dude.</p><p>You hate how pushy they are, especially with how hard it is for you to say no to anything. So you just start running. You didn’t care how stupid you look; you ran off into the crowd to lose the guy and stay as far away as possible. You refuse to look behind you as to pretend you are just someone that is running back to their mom and dad. At some point though, you felt an odd yet warm presence behind you. You refuse to look behind you for fear that the guy is still there. You walked for a good 5 minutes until you found a place to sit. You walked over to the sitting area near a cinnamon roll place, quickly pulling out your phone to text your friends what happened.</p><p>You didn’t notice a tall man kind of nearby. He realizes how stupid his action was because now people are going to think he is some creepy old man stalking someone, so he grew farther away from you. He stopped at the entrance to the halls of the bathroom. He isn’t sure what to do … His social skills are lacking after being a loner for most of his life. He looks for you as he peeks, seeing you sat down at the sitting area. He gulps. He shakes his head, trying to tell himself to stop being a coward and actually talk to you.</p><p>He walks up to the area, sitting down at an armchair, pretending he didn’t see you at first. You did notice someone is there, but there are also two siblings sitting at another couch. You got texted back, although you can see how amused Mei is about you running away from the kiosk worker. She just said to wait at the area so the group can come back – Lena got distracted trying to get a gift for Emily.</p><p>You curl up on the couch, looking around but avoiding eye contacts. Siebren froze, wondering why your eyes refuse to look up at him. Do you know he is there? Or you are that shy? He opens his mouth as to speak but his tummy made an angry noise. He blushed … But you didn’t look at him still. He saw your brows twitch but nothing more. Siebren barely remembers your name. Maybe say “hey, you’re Mei’s friend from yesterday?”</p><p>Try not to focus on the odd flirty things he did to you. He thought you were really pretty but didn’t want to scare you away, even though you are not well-dressed like last night. You look a little different now you are not dressed up at all. You wore your usual clothes – just jeans and shirt. Your face is bare of any makeup. He notices the dark circles under your eyes and how tired you generally look. He sees sadness in your eyes. Siebren shut his eyes tight, knowing that you are still pretty.</p><p>You look up to see Siebren looking so defeated, his head down. You thought he looks familiar, squinting a little… O h. He’s the guy from yesterday. He’s wearing something cozy now; he has on a thin sweater and sweatpants. His hair is fluffier than you remember. You start to feel pity for him since he looks so sad. You were a little drunk when you were talking to him. You remember some interactions, but you are too scared to recollect anymore memories. What should you say? You’re too protective of the image you have of him; you didn’t want it ruin when you get to know him. You can’t just walk away, unless he really doesn’t remember you. Does he? He would be confident enough to say hi if that is the case. But what if he gets horrified when he sees how you ACTUALLY look like under the makeup? What if that is why he said nothing? You grow nervous, having no idea what to do in this situation.</p><p>Siebren looks up quickly as you close your eyes, pretending you are dosing off the whole time. You successfully trick him into thinking that’s what you are doing. He blinks. Maybe you really are tired … You did leave the club late. Should he try to wake you up? He didn’t want you bonking your head if you did knock out. Where did his confidence from yesterday left? He managed to ask you to let him buy you a drink and then dance with him. All he randomly forgot to do is ask for your number. He was upset about it at some point, stupidly enough. He is about to die and he’s still acting like a shy little boy. </p><p>“(Y/n)? I- I didn’t mean to bother you,” Siebren said.</p><p>He watches you open your eyes immediately, staring up to his worried expression. He read your expression as that of shock, as if not expecting him to be there. But you are not surprised because he appears out of nowhere; not only did he quickly recognize you but he remembers your name??</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asks, leaning forward on the armchair.</p><p>“… You remember me??” you sit up straight.</p><p>“Of course I do!” Siebren nodded.</p><p>“I – It was dark in there and I had makeup on; people look completely different with makeup on,” you furrow your brows.</p><p>“It’s your eyes and hair,” Siebren points.</p><p>You ruffle through your hair, your face growing more confused.</p><p>“But yeah are you okay?”</p><p>“I got spooked by this dude at that kiosk but I’m good,” you shrug, looking unamused as you normally are. But you don’t notice your round eyes appearing cheery.</p><p>“I’m not going to be dishonest, but I saw that,” he covers his mouth as he starts to snicker.</p><p>“Those people grow persistent every day, I hate it,” you rub the sides of your temple.</p><p>Siebren felt pain on his stomach, remembering he did not eat. It didn’t help that he can smell cinnamon buns.</p><p>“I’m going to get a cinnamon bun, you want something?” you got up from the couch.</p><p>“I haven’t eaten at all today,” Siebren gave a sad smile.</p><p>You give a concerned face, your brows aggressively furrowed.</p><p>“I know, it’s irresponsible of me, but I just got up hours ago and breakfast isn’t served anymore,” Siebren shakes his head.</p><p>“Hell nah you need to eat fam – do you know where you are going or can we go to the food court?” you ask.</p><p>“I can..” Siebren blush a little, loving how worried you got.</p><p>“Or your doctor is being a weenus about you needing to cut down on fat or whatever?”</p><p>“No no my health is fine, I can eat whatever.”</p><p>“Yeah let’s just go to the food court, just that uhh ... Okay this is an odd request, but can I stand right behind you as you walk over there? In case anymore kiosk people are around?” you look up to Siebren.</p><p>“That’s completely fine,” Siebren chuckles, getting up from the armchair.</p><p>He goes over to the food court, feeling your presence close to him. As he walks, there are a few times you would bump up to him or feel you wince close to him when you spot something. So cute! He feels his heart fluttering. He finally reaches to the food court, seeing the bunch of options there.</p><p>“What do you want?” Siebren looks over to you, now walking on his side.</p><p>“You’re the one that needs to eat, what you want?” you squint.</p><p>Siebren looks up, rubbing his stubbled chin. He then spots a crepe maker. He walks up to the crepe place as you follow. You look over, seeing those cone shaped crepes you only saw in anime. You blink slowly as Siebren starts to order, slowly realizing you are hungry enough. You wanted to get a chicken wrap but realize it might be too messy for him to watch you. You cannot just cover your mouth the whole time because he’s going to think it’s weird. You are so insecure about people watching you eat because you tend to leave behind so many crumbs. You clean after yourself though. You suddenly look up when Siebren rubs your shoulder for a hot second.</p><p>“Do you want anything from here?” Siebren ask.</p><p>“I’m just going to go get something somewhere else – I ate cereal this morning,” you point towards the other food places.</p><p>“Ah, that’s alright,” Siebren nodded.</p><p>You awkwardly walk away from him to look at the places to get food. Should you get Chinese food? Or a philly cheese steak? Or a regular burger? Maybe pizza? Or the chicken wrap you want?—<br/>Wait, why are you making decisions based on what the other person thinks? Are you seriously going to continue being a faker around others? Angrily, you walk over to where the chicken wrap is. You order a whole combo with the fries and drink. You gave your debit card then wait for your food for a moment, your arms crossed. You aggressively thought to yourself “Idiot, I ain’t no coward. I’m tired of this bullshit. I’m (y/n) and I can do and be whatever I want!”</p><p>Meanwhile Siebren stand there, tapping his feet with his hands behind his back. He watches them make the crepes with curiosity, until they finally finished making his. He thanks the employee, walking over to a small empty table booth, quickly starting to eat his crepe. He ordered one with strawberry and bananas, also getting coffee. He looks up to see you walking up quickly with a tray, sitting down in front of Siebren. You get your phone out, updating your friends on where you are. You didn’t mention Siebren. You peer up at him, seeing he got some chocolate sauce on his hollow cheeks. You feel oddly relaxed seeing that. You sigh, looking down on your lunch to start eating.</p><p>Siebren ate his crepe quickly before gulping down on his coffee. You kept looking at your phone to see Mei saying that Lena is still buying some gifts. You ate the first half of your wrap, trying your best not to be too messy. You avoid Siebren’s eye contact while you eat.</p><p>“Oh dear, I ate too fast,” Siebren laughs a little.</p><p>You look up as you wipe your mouth with a napkin, seeing that there is some sauce still on his face. Siebren watch you squint at his direction. Siebren was about to ask what is wrong when you suddenly grab a clean napkin then lean over the table, wiping his face.</p><p>“Sorry there’s chocolate on your face,” you commented.</p><p>“Oh, it’s fine, thank you,” Siebren giggles.</p><p>You continue to finish your food, trying your best not to be so nervous. Siebren notice you constantly pulling your hand up to cover your mouth, but he did not think it was a bad thing. He just sees it as cute, like you are trying to be presentable for him. You manage to finish your food, wiping up the table from any crumbs before walking to a trash bin. He could not help but try to stare at everything about you, like noticing your lack of eye-contact. He assumes you are timid. Really timid. It made him feel better though since now he knows he’s not alone.</p><p>“Are you by yourself?” Siebren ask.</p><p>“No no I went with Mei and a few others because I needed to bring something back to the club – But the main reason is because I need a suit for my new office job,” you said before taking a sip of your cold watered down coke.</p><p>“A suit? Like business wear?” Siebren leans a little.</p><p>“Yeah, I want to try suits but now that I think about it … Can you help me? You’re a guy and the people I went with are all feminine girls,” you blink up to Siebren.</p><p>“I can, yeah,” Siebren nodded.</p><p>“I’m sure Mei will be happy to see you since she knows you,” you shrug.</p><p>“Where are your friends though? Did they just leave you alone?” Siebren frowns a little.</p><p>“I left the group to bring something back to the club, but then Lena got too distracted trying to find something for her girlfriend since their anniversary is coming,” you wheeze.</p><p>“Ooh,” Siebren snickers along.</p><p>He then excuses himself, picking his empty paper plate and cup to throw them away. You quickly got up from the table to go walk with him. You realize you feel oddly comfortable with him, like he really does not want to hurt you. It scares you because you do not trust your instincts anymore. However, …</p><p>You heard someone call your name, you turn around to see Mei coming over. She sighs in relief when she saw you are with Siebren, running up to you two. She catches her breath when she reaches to you.</p><p>“I was feeling so bad because you are alone,” she huffs out.</p><p>“I’m used to it, I was hungry anyway and would have been angry if I stuck around with yall,” you shrug.</p><p>“Oh okay, also hey Siebren,” Mei waves weakly, still trying to breath normally.</p><p>“Hello Mei,” Siebren smiled kindly.</p><p>“I asked him if he can find me a business suit for my new job,” you point to him.</p><p>“Oh that’s fine! He might know more since he is a guy,” Mei nodded.</p><p>“Moira would be perfect, but you know how she hates socializing,” Siebren gave a sad grin.</p><p>“She’s just really focused on her job,” Mei shrugs.</p><p>You walk alongside Siebren and Mei as these two kept talking to one another. You start to feel out of it. You space out to look at the crowds and the mannequins. You feel some anxiety the whole time you been with Siebren but you try to ignore it. You stare up suddenly when you thought something stupid; are they in love? You stare up at Mei and Siebren, happily talking to one another. You raise a brow, telling yourself “Siebren could be gay, or even ace like you??”</p><p>You kept staring at the two, figuring out if they are going to be a good couple then thinking of the worst-case scenario. What if you became friends with these two but then they get in a fight? Geez you do not want to go through that. You grew increasingly nervous at the risks of being connected with people, how painful and stressful and ugh you don’t blame Moira for not wanting to socialize—</p><p>You felt a poke from Mei.</p><p>“What?” you turn to her.</p><p>“Oh he’s asking you something,” Mei points to Siebren.</p><p>“Huh? What you want?” you turn to Siebren.</p><p>“I think this store is a good place to start looking for suits, would you like to check it out?” he asks.</p><p>You look up to see one of the biggest stores connected to the mall. You shrug and said yes, coming in. You suddenly remember about Lena and Ashe.</p><p>“Wait … Where are the other two?” you ask.</p><p>“They stay behind; Ashe didn’t want Lena to go running off and getting lost,” Mei giggles.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Can I tell you some puns?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My internet died so I haven't updated at all oof</p><p>I had severe thanatophobia (fear of death) so if that kind of talk bothers you uhh be aware -- it's the last few paragraphs.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Siebren is feeling his face, noticing the heat radiating from it. He sat awkwardly next to Mei. You came out of the dressing room in a shirt and business jacket, but it is one size too big.</p><p>“I should have brought my binder so I can see how it looks,” you mumbled, fumbling with the buttons.</p><p>“Is it loose?” Mei pats on your outfit.</p><p>“It’s not supposed to be?” you tilt your head.</p><p>“Oh geez, no!” Mei shook her head with a wheeze.</p><p>Siebren gets up, feeling your jacket up to check if anything is wrong. You hold your breath while he does so.</p><p>“Try this size,” Siebren gives you another jacket.</p><p>You take the jacket then run back to the dressing room.</p><p>“I’m not sure how to say this but uh …” Siebren scratch at his cheek.</p><p>Mei turns to Siebren.</p><p>“Pants are going to be difficult because a lot of them are not built for voluptuous people,” Siebren covers his mouth a little.</p><p>“For sure! I’m barely comfortable in my work pants and I’m almost the same body type as Damaris,” Mei pouts.</p><p>“What do you use? You use pants rather than just skirts?” he asks.</p><p>“What they need is an elastic kind of pants – they are in the women’s section and there are pants that fits comfortably around the hips,” Mei gestures to how it works.</p><p>“I wonder if this store has any,” Siebren looks over to the rows of clothes.</p><p>“It’s a big place, let’s just hope,” Mei nodded.</p><p>“Damaris and I relate to this, but I think it’s a bigger problem for them … So Damaris never wears skirts not because she does not like it, but it would be lower in the front and higher in the back,” Mei shows the waterline as to illustrate the problem. Siebren gulps, nodding along.</p><p>“You and Moira are really thin so you two won’t know what’s that about,” Mei laughs.</p><p>“But my thighs and arms are thicker from exercising – I think Reinhardt also have this problem,” Siebren pats his thighs.</p><p>“Ooh I haven’t thought about it that way, I always saw you as being skinny,” Mei gave a goofy smile.</p><p>“Yeah I barely wear jackets or vests because it would tighten on my back – also doesn’t help that my legs are really long so most pants would stop at above my ankles, ” Siebren rubs the back of his neck with a snicker.</p><p>You pop out again, wearing a jacket. You try to move your arms and shoulders to see if it tightens too much in places. Siebren gets up to see you, watching you spin.</p><p>“It looks good, what about the shirt?” Siebren leans down a little.</p><p>“The shirt is comfortable,” you nodded.</p><p>“Good, have you tried any pants?”</p><p>“I couldn’t pull it past my thighs,” you replied with an unamused look.</p><p>“O-Oh, that happens sometimes,” Siebren chuckles.</p><p>“Let’s go to the women’s section to get some pants for you,” Mei points over to where it is.</p><p>“Okei,” you shrug, turning around to put your regular shirt on.</p><p>“I didn’t realize how … Discriminatory clothing is,” Siebren puts his hands in his pockets.</p><p>“It’s getting better though! But yeah, I think I remember Damaris hating shopping because it is hard for them to look for comfortable clothing. At first I thought they just are too shy to show off, but now that I think about it … It’s how limited everything is that discourages them from being colorful,” Mei turns to the clothes.</p><p>Siebren nodded. You quickly come out of the dressing room with the tops that did fit you. You walk with the two to get to the girl’s section. Mei looks through the pants while you watch her.<br/>Mei pulls out a few pants, giving them to you. You look behind only to spot two familiar faces.</p><p>“Lena??” you call out to the two girls.</p><p>“Oh, hey love!” Lena beams walking over with an annoyed Ashe. Lena is carrying large bags.</p><p>“This woman took hours,” Ashe loudly said.</p><p>“I’m sorry! I just thought the top and a bunch of stuff – look, a lot of stuff reminds me of Emily,” Lena ask with a flustered look on her face.</p><p>You smiled a little, seeing how passionate she is about this relationship. You walk over to the dressing room without a word.</p><p>“Hey, I know you!” Lena points to Siebren.</p><p>“Hello Ms. Oxtrox,” Siebren stick his hand out to give a shake.</p><p>“Call me Lena, it’s cool!” Lena nodded, shaking his hand.</p><p>“He’s always formal with everyone,” Mei giggles.</p><p>“I heard your anniversary is coming, congratulations,” Siebren smiled.</p><p>“It is! Thank you,” Lena looks at her bags.</p><p>“What yall doing here?” Ashe crossed her arms with an unimpressed look on her face.</p><p>“We’re looking for work clothes for Damaris’s new job, remember?” Mei fixes her glasses.</p><p>“Oh! I completely forgot that is why we are here,” Lena gave an embarrassed smile.</p><p>“Anyways, I’m hungry so I’m going to leave to the food court – yall going with me?” Ashe points to the exit.</p><p>“It is time for lunch,” Mei shrug.</p><p>“Uh.. Damaris and I just ate,” Siebren smile shyly to Mei.</p><p>“That’s okay, Siebren! I think Damaris knows what they are doing; I was worried because I didn’t want them to be alone,” Mei gives a melancholic expression.</p><p>Ashe walked away from the group while Lena follows behind, saying “wait for me!”</p><p>“I think Damaris trust you, which is really interesting,” Mei giggles.</p><p>“How so?” Siebren peers down on Mei.</p><p>“They are really distant from everyone and it’s so hard for them to open up, but I can see in their eyes how calm they are to be around you,” Mei beams.</p><p>Siebren blushes. You really are happy to see him? Even though you two barely know each-other? He hopes it is true deep in his heart. Suddenly the guilt from this morning stings him, making him blink and stop smiling so brightly.</p><p>“I- I see, do you know why they are that distant?” Siebren ask with a sad smile.</p><p>“I think that’s up to them to tell you; I feel bad if I were to give details about their personal life,” Mei frowns a little.</p><p>“Ah that’s okay, very understandable,” Siebren nodded.</p><p>“Anyways uhh Damaris went to the dressing room over there, I’m going to catch up with Lena and Ashe,” Mei said.</p><p>“That’s alright, I’ll take care of your friend,” Siebren waves to Mei.</p><p>“Yeah let Damaris know we are at the food court,” Mei gives a bright smile before leaving.</p><p>Siebren is curious about you though. Maybe people must have hurt you a lot, like what he thought happened to Moira to make her so cold. He walks over to the dressing room, sitting down where he was not too long ago when you were trying vests and jackets. You pop out finally with the pants Mei gave you.</p><p>“How are they?” Siebren ask.</p><p>“Only one was too tight – the rest are cool,” you shrug.</p><p>“By the way, your friends went to the food court.”</p><p>“Oh cool, they must be hungry.”</p><p>“Are you looking for more or that’s enough for you?”</p><p>“I think I have enough, yeah – I work Monday through Thursday for now.”</p><p>After paying for your clothing, you went on your way to the food court while being on Siebren’s side.</p><p>“I’m sorry for not holding eye-contact much, I don’t hate you or anything,” you try to stare at his greyish blue eyes. You noticed a little how sparkly they look. </p><p>“You don’t have to apologize, I just assume you are shy,” Siebren shrug.</p><p>“I guess? But it is normal for me to be that way… I don’t know if you figured it out but I’m autistic,” you point to yourself.</p><p>Siebren just said “ah”. He knows alot about autism, mostly because people assumed he was neurodivergent when he was younger. Something about him having Asperger’s. But he never really found out if he did. But he knows they are human beings that so happened to think differently and mean no harm. He quickly remembers that autism severely affects communications and social skills. He frowns as he peers down at your bored stare, wondering if people were awful to you over something you have zero control over.</p><p>“You’re an anomaly with immeasurable potential; there is nothing to cure,” he said.</p><p>You look up at him as he looks away nervously, hoping he did not come off as offensive. He knows that people are pushing for some “cure”, but to cure what? At least from what he heard from some acquaintances, such as Satya from work, autism is harmless. It just gives them a new perspective. Meanwhile, you did not see it as offensive. You thought that was sweet of him but now you are trying to find a way to express yourself.</p><p>“That’s so kind of you, thank you,” you said shyly after not responding for a hot minute. </p><p>Siebren sighs in relief. You two reach to the food court.</p><p>“I lost track of time – I have to go home and check on some stuff, but it is a pleasure to spend time with you,” Siebren smiled softly.</p><p>“You cool, hope you come home safe and have a good weekend,” you grin a little.</p><p>“OH! I almost forgot—Can I have your phone number?” Siebren pulls out his phone.</p><p>“I almost never talk but sure,” you shrug.</p><p>Siebren and you exchange numbers. You are still nervous about meeting new people, but you really need to face your fears and get over it. Also he’s nice and a friend of Mei’s. You hope you don’t regret this at all and grow to resent him like you always did with other people that try to talk to you a lot.</p><p>“Good luck on your new job,” Siebren nodded.</p><p>You thanked him, waving goodbye to him as he walks away from you. You did not notice the faint happiness in your tired eyes.</p><hr/><p>You are back home feeling exhausted. You never liked shopping for clothes but at least you do not feel embarrassed showing your fashion choices in front of your friends. You stay up for a while, just trying to write or draw stuff on your laptop. You managed to do the gift art for your friend, but you feel like you rushed it. It doesn’t help that drawing lovey-dovey stuff got you anxious over their relationship. You’re worried that Emily might be in your shoes when you were in this stressful relationship with this one dude you didn’t really like. Because you cannot forgive yourself, you now look at every relationship as being unequal. Like it’s a red flag if one person is showing more love than the other person does because they may have put them on a weird spot. The only times you felt happy was when –</p><p>You find yourself tearing up on your desk, holding your head in defeat. It’s starting to worry you but for some reason, you enjoyed when people only used you. Your desire to be needed for anything goes to that extreme where you are fine being used as an escape. You somehow felt happy being done so. You sacrifice your faith, your identity, your hobbies, your time, and your dignity to the people that least deserved it. You don’t know how to be happy without being under someone’s thumb. Are you actually looking for better friends or for someone to use you again? Why were you happy with that man with the four partners? Why are you not happy right now when you are actually in a healthy friend group?</p><p>Tears start spilling out of your eyes. You are so confused too because you kept dumbing down how bad your childhood is. Like come on, it’s not that bad. Your parents fed both you and your sister, yall got great air conditioners, yall were living in a big house before moving out, they did give you hugs and tells you “I love you” everyday … What happened to you? Why are you so messed up? Why do you want people to objectify you? Is that what you want? Or you think love is when you allow someone to? Do you enjoy a relationship where you are lusted after, but the person overcompensates by being friendly during the times they are not doing anything? You feel sick, not expecting to like that at all. But then why did you freak out when that guy loved you too much? Is something wrong with you or it is not that deep? You just didn’t like him?</p><p>You look over to your phone when the screen went gray. You think it might be – wait, who is Siebren? OH YEAH your new friend. Your brand-new friend. That might get bored in a month or two. You were going to ignore him until you noticed the time.</p><p>… Is he dying or something? He is an older dude and might be dealing with some stuff. Maybe the crepes got to him? You answer, even though this is the first phone call you ever answered in years.</p><p>“… Hello?” you speak first when you did not hear anything.</p><p>“S-Sorry, did I wake you up?” Siebren said timidly.</p><p>“I have chronic insomnia,” you said flatly.</p><p>“Oh no … Have you tried tea?”</p><p>“Causes bloating.”</p><p>“Really? Oh, that’s unfortunate.”</p><p>“You okay? You’re not dying or anything?”</p><p>“No I just .. I want to tell you puns.”</p><p>“…Okei,” you murmur. That is the most random reason as to why people want to call you. You usually text your friends.</p><p>“So uh … Rest in peace, boiling water; you will be mist,” he said, his voice shaking a little.</p><p>You blinked slowly. You’re currently functioning with only two braincells, so maybe you didn’t get it. You can’t hear Siebren’s panicking when your reaction is silence.</p><p>“Can I text you puns? I’m still on the phone,” he suggests, although he is growing more nervous by the second.</p><p>“Okei,” you shrug. You thought that is convenient since you would turn on captions for any video, even though you are not hard of hearing.</p><p>“I forgot that’s a thing – do you have problems listening? Like someone needs to repeat themselves to you?”</p><p>“Yeah, gets me introuble sometimes. Because I usually don’t care about anyone or anything.”</p><p>You get a text, looking at it to see the pun he made in the call.</p><p>“…Stupid, dude,” you said with amusement.</p><p>Siebren sighs in relief, proceeding to write another dumb joke.</p><p>“What kind of fish is made up of two atoms? 2 Na.”</p><p>“STUPID,” you chuckled a little.</p><p>“What type of dog does a chemist have? A lab. How to plan a space party? You planet.”</p><p>Siebren quickly notice how quiet you are, even though you “tch” a little. He does not want to look stupid and just ask why you are not laughing. Maybe he is too nerdy for his own good… He thought of something. It’s probably going to end badly but you might react to it someway.</p><p>“Do you know where the universe is expanding to?” he asks in call.</p><p>“Where?” you blink slowly.</p><p>“Your mother,” he said point-blank.</p><p>You sputter, laughing for the first time. Siebren sighs hard and giggles, starting to understand your sense of humor. He’s trying to remember anything that doesn’t have to be science related.</p><p>“You must be an adenine because I want to be paired with you; What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday because the rest are weekdays.”</p><p>You got quiet again as he got back to saying jokes. You are feeling way better than five minutes ago though. You close your laptop and walk slowly over to your bed, sitting on the edge.</p><p>“Why you suddenly feel like calling me right now?” you ask softly.</p><p>“I’m impatient… No uh … I felt the need to.”</p><p>You are debating whether to tell him what you been through. The thoughts are pouring back in your head, squeezing more tears out of you. You are so scared of going through the things you been through again. You would feel alright with someone but then grew to resent them. Why does this idiot want to talk to you? Can’t he be obvious and say he just girlfriend-zoned you like a lot of the people that spoke to you? Geez, you just hate everyone so much. They are just so annoying and clingy and ugh…</p><p>“I have not prepared myself at all for this,” Siebren laughs timidly.</p><p>You are too busy getting angry thoughts for you to pay attention to him, shivering in rage.</p><p>“This may sound arrogant of me, but can I talk about myself to you?” Siebren asks out of the blue.</p><p>You blinked.</p><p>“Talk about myself?” you ask, worried that he is asking you to talk about yourself.</p><p>“No no, can I talk about myself? Like whom I was and what I was doing?” he clarifies.</p><p>You tilt your head. You never came across someone that is willing to talk about themselves and not be ashamed about it.</p><p>“Sure,” you shrug a little, laying down in your bed.</p><p>“So uh… I slept at a hotel yesterday because I did not want to drive back home drunk,” he starts.</p><p>“That’s responsible,” you blink slowly, getting up to turn off the lights before getting back in bed.</p><p>“When I was a child, I was really bad at math; But I really liked space and wanted to be an astronaut. When I enter to university, I got a major in physics and astronomy. I excelled in it. I really loved the universe and its mysteries. The stars look so pretty.”</p><p>You start to relax with his voice. You stifle yourself from saying anything when he mentioned space. You like space stuff, despite some things scaring you, but you think you are too dumb to understand everything about it. You still like alien stuff and thinking about looking up in the night sky … If there weren’t so many mosquitoes.</p><p>“However, I got an epiphany. I was too focused on academic stuff. I didn’t understand until there was a health scare with my mother and then the passing of my father. I realize that my time in limited. I realize that I don’t really have a legacy and I was too stubborn to look at the people around me.”</p><p>You turn your head a little. You realize fully that you are listening to the story of a fellow human being. You start to overthink, feeling like you do not deserve to know because you must work personal stories out of people. You liked mysterious people, despite how you ironically get frustrated at how distant they are. You feel accomplished whenever you are friends with someone and they finally say something personal to you. This is too soon.</p><p>“I could have gotten to know people in my classes, but I just saw having a social life as a distraction. It is wonderful to be educated and maybe change the world with what I can figure out, but what about the connections I have with others? I don’t remember what happened that night, but I had a mental breakdown when I realize how lonely I was. I was 29 when it happened.”</p><p>You scrunch your brows, tears falling down your cheeks. Why is this man trusting you with this information? Does Mei know about his story? Why is he telling you all this? You don’t deserve this information; you didn’t have to investigate or crack someone. You cannot accept this…</p><p>“Sometimes I wonder if I focused too much on my studies because I been lonesome or I’m lonesome because of how much I focused on that; I’m not really sure… Since then, it’s been haunting me, and it’s been pushing me to get out more. Then I realize how squished in my personality is; sometimes I cannot figure out who I am.”</p><p>You are crying so much but so silently. It is not too specific, but you wonder how much he’s been through. You relax as you try to explain to yourself that this isn’t too much information. He didn’t specify when and how his dad died. He didn’t specify if he got bullied as a child. He didn’t specify if maybe he is just as weird as you are because …</p><p>“Are you autistic?” you ask out of the blue.</p><p>Siebren didn’t respond for a bit. You cannot see him lifting his head up to the ceiling, blinking, and thinking.</p><p>“I vaguely remember my mom being concerned over that – I been described as “eccentric” by colleagues, or just be called an odd one,” he replies.</p><p>“Why?” you ask.</p><p>“I guess my social skills were never good – I don’t go to many parties and people would ask the same questions … I’m not sure, maybe I was and have no idea,” he laughs a little.</p><p>Your expressions soften. At least you have an idea as to why you are quick to trust him, despite how odd your first interaction with him was.</p><p>“Maybe I am? I don’t know,” Siebren peers to the side, thinking more about it.</p><p>“… Do you hate textures?” you ask.</p><p>“What?” he blinks.</p><p>“Textures, like how a food feels or how clothing feels?”</p><p>“I sleep with only my underwear … I … Oh, I just realize something – I hate socks.”</p><p>“I think I know what you mean, yeah .. It bothers me when I think too hard about my footwear.”</p><p>“It bothers me wearing socks … I rather walk around barefoot or at least with slippers.”</p><p>“It makes your feet sweat too so ugh, I get it.”</p><p>“Do you hate socks?”</p><p>“Maybe I’ll tolerate it if it’s cute thigh highs or something, and without shoes.”</p><p>“Ah,” Siebren nodded, but he suddenly must squeeze out the weird thoughts he is getting when trying to imagine that.</p><p>“… Okay I think I hate the shoes more… Just asking because maybe that is why it was easier for me to connect with you – autistic people tend to connect more easily with each-other,” you shrug.</p><p>“You feel connected to me?” Siebren ask with the softest tone. You thought “aww pops…” when you heard how genuinely happy he sounds.</p><p>“Why would I be talking to you and tolerating your presence?” you ask flatly.</p><p>He laughs genuinely.</p><p>“I’m alone because I hate people, they are annoying and just constantly getting upset over something – then just hurt someone if they are any more crueler,” you said with a sneer, looking over at the window.</p><p>“Pfff you would be good friends with Moira then,” he chuckles.</p><p>“I guess I genuinely forgot people are nice … I just quickly assume they are nice because of bad reasons, like they are being manipulative or fake.”</p><p>“Did someone hurt you?” Siebren frowns, remembering one part of that conversation he had with Mei earlier. About why you are distant.</p><p>You remember you always echo that question to yourself constantly, every day, just asking who hurt you. You sometimes answer the question with “I hurt myself”, but tonight is different.</p><p>“A lot of people hurt me, I lost count,” you said huskily.</p><p>“Ah … Is it because you are autistic?” Siebren ask.</p><p>He frowns, although he already has his suspicion. People didn’t like how odd he is, so of course they are going to be awful to people that doesn’t conform to their normal. Doe maar normaal hè... Dan doe je al gek genoeg.</p><p>“… Maybe. My teachers didn’t have patience to understand one autistic kid, so they just scream at me everyday as a child while I get bullied by my classmates,” you blink slowly, remembering that you always thought the world hated you since that time in elementary school.</p><p>“O-Oh, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Were you bullied?”</p><p>“Oh yes, I was odd and was a chubby little boy because I always liked sweets.”</p><p>“Aww baby...”</p><p>You realize your high pitch voice and the comment. Siebren on the other hand giggle shyly, hearing the puppy talk voice you would sometimes sport when looking at something adorable. You got scared for a hot second because you thought that come off as rude.</p><p>“That part is still true for me, I’m just always craving something sugary,” Siebren laughs a little.</p><p>“W-What’s your favorite sweet?” you ask, not wanting to venture into your pathetic past.</p><p>“Oh geez, that’s a hard question … First thing I thought about is stroopwafel.”</p><p>“A what?”</p><p>“Stroopwafel is a treat – I’ll send you some pictures.”</p><p>“Okei.”</p><p>“Meanwhile, what is <em>your</em> favorite dessert?” he asks.</p><p>You gave your answer, explaining why you like this dessert. Meanwhile, he sent you pictures of this circular wafer … Waffle? It looks like wafer and waffle made a baby.</p><p>“I’m getting sleepy …” you said quietly.</p><p>“Ah okay, it is getting late.”</p><p>“I’m going to be honest; I was feeling not ..Happy. Then you called me randomly just to tell me stupid jokes and it did help me stop thinking too darkly on things,” you scratch your scalp.</p><p>“I’m glad I can help you in some way.”</p><p>“I like memes but I’m not sure if you are going to pick the worst one,” you said bluntly. You remember how shitty people’s memes are when they would send you some. Some are not even memes just … Gifs.</p><p>“I’ll try to find the finest memes for you then,” Siebren smiles.</p><p>“You don’t have to, it’s cool just that – I have a habit of spamming random images to express how much I acknowledge people’s existence.”</p><p>“You use a lot of big words .. I like it though; I do that too.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to express myself, so I learn a bunch of words to describe my feelings better.”</p><p>“Ah I see.”</p><p>“Okei okei I need to sleep, you have a good night, sir.”</p><p>“Good night, sweetheart – sorry for calling you so late.”</p><p>“No problem bud bud.”</p><p>Siebren beams – bud bud sounds so cute!</p><p>“Have a good night sleep,” he said before hanging up.</p><p>You sigh out in relief, burying your phone in the bed covers and rolling to your side. You close your eyes, trying to calm down and sleep.</p><p>Meanwhile, Siebren gave out a heavy sigh. He is sitting on the edge of his bed. He did open about a lot of things, but he didn’t really specify why he called you in the first place. He is currently staring at a board full of scribbles, some large areas being written over. He was figuring out some equations until he suddenly got nervous, looking around his room only to realize he truly is alone and how limited his time is.</p><p>He does not remember the last time he thought about death, but he did remember the first time he got a panic attack. He was a teenager. He was so terrified, having no idea what is going to happen in the afterlife. It was until he realizes how his view on the universe differ radically from everyone else in his field when he started getting higher education. Everyone is so pessimistic, only seeing the darkness and wickedness in the stars. But he saw how beautiful and intricate the universe is. His thanatophobia disappeared when he finally has something to look forward to when he dies; he hopes that the mysteries of the universe will open to him.</p><p>He is so bad at keeping up with people, but he wants to get to know you more. He forgot the many questions he wants to ask you … He thinks of an idea. He gets up from his bed, looking through a small desk in a corner. There is a huge mess of papers on the surface. He looks through the drawers and papers, whispering “aha” when he founds the post-it notes. He grabs the nearest pen, writing down the list of questions he has for you, so he does not get too awkward while talking to you.</p><p>QUESTIONS FOR Damaris<br/>1. What is your opinion on astronomy?<br/>2. What was your favorite subject in school?<br/>3. Are you scared of death?<br/>4. When is your birthday?<br/>5. Hold old are you?<br/>6. Hobbies?</p><p>He saw that the post-it note is too small, so he rummages through his desk for a blank paper. He randomly finds a printable paper, so he writes down the questions there.</p><p>7. What is your favorite color?<br/>8. What was your major?<br/>9. What is your opinion on science?<br/>10. Do you prefer savory or sweet?<br/>11. Do you like classical music?</p><p>He cannot think of any more questions, but he grabs some tape and put the paper right above his desk. He yawns, slowly walking over to his bed to sleep. He roughly takes off his shirt and pants, so he does not get hot. He will sleep completely naked if he wants to, but he could not because he thinks that is unsanitary. He slowly falls asleep, not noticing how he would jump awake a few times at the most disturbing thoughts. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Back and Forth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You don’t remember if you ever slept at all. You feel like you been awake but asleep at the same time for hours. This always happens unless you sleep late at night, like at 3 am. You woke up at 8 or 9 am, but you kept laying down because you had a weird but pleasant dream. You feel so happy to see your mystery friend again.</p><p>Basically, you been dreaming of the presence of one person. You can’t really see their face or remember their voice, but you remember how happy you are to see them. You know they have a nice voice because you love to listen to them. They would give you cuddles and the biggest hugs. You have so much trust to this person and they would stay with you. You would see them occasionally, especially during times when you are not okay.</p><p>You vaguely remember what you dreamt last night. You were in your room while your friend is at the door. You specifically remember you were going to do weird stuff without getting caught by your mom, so your friend looks out the door for you. You do not remember if he went out the door or locked himself inside the room. Either way, you trusted him enough to be brutally yourself around him.<br/>You realize something … When did you ever jack off at all? You frown a little, remembering that your relationship with your sexuality got shaken up because of the bad experiences you had with people.</p><p>You are trying to focus on fantasy, but you only start feeling awful because you start to treat it as if the situation is real. You try to daydream about finding a best friend then slowly falling in love, only to have the thought sent you to almost a panic attack. It doesn’t help that you don’t have a hyperfixation character as of right now. You don’t even remember the last one … Maybe W.D. Gaster? You don’t remember. Does that count as a hyperfixation? Or what is it? Oh geez. You feel odd even thinking about the mystery friend as anymore sexual because you don’t know if that person could be an angel or an ancestor or something. Even then, thinking about ever catching feelings again strikes fear into your heart. You wanted to feel that teenage love you felt when you were 18, but you are terrified of the repercussions. You don’t want to get cucked or let down or eughhh…</p><p>You pick up your phone, staring at the notifications. You see Lena’s excited messages about how much she liked the drawing. You finished it at around midnight, so she probably didn’t saw it until this morning. You quickly texted her “no problem fam :thumbs up:” before going back to laying down.</p><p>You don’t remember when the first time was you saw this guardian. You remember someone scrawny on stage when you were around 4 years old. Then you would see figures that would pop out from the darkness sometimes, caging you in a loving but awkward embrace. You could not remember their faces, but you remember vividly how they made you feel. You sometimes remember their tight, suffocating hugs. You remember them taking you to different places, as if trying to figure out what is your aesthetic and your dream vacations. Your favorite was when you went to a snowy place with lots of Christmas lights. You felt luxurious and safe. At the hardest times of your life, you remember being in their room. They let you run around, and you remember how happy you are. It’s as if what happened to you didn’t matter anymore because now you are safe with them. They would cuddle you and pet you and caress you. You watch over their shoulder as they work on their computer. Then they would sometimes take you to difference places and they will always be there by your side. You are too hesitant to call them a soulmate; you just see them as a guardian or your bestest friend. You laugh a little at your thought; friendzoning an imaginary being. Only time you felt anxiety around them is because of real life. You could not trust anyone or anything, let alone this character. You remember one dream you were wearing a qipao you got because you were a chinaboo as a child, and somehow the dress managed to fit you ten years later. You were in a car with some folks and you suddenly feel dread, as if remembering the things, you been through. You do not know if you started feeling that way when you woke up or you did while you were dreaming. Was that person not your mystery friend at all and you just dreamt about your doubts instead?</p><p>You opened your eyes to 12:37 PM. You lift yourself up from bed so you can make yourself something to eat then make something for later. You’re slowly trying to be nice to yourself by giving yourself a break when not feeling alright, like maybe give yourself a treat. You almost never got the energy to, but you can just order something to be delivered. Sometimes you ask your sister. But you ate junk food for two days straight, even if it’s just for lunch. You forced yourself to look at the fridge to check if there are any rice and beans.</p><p>You kept thinking you have to learn how to cook more stuff, but you are not sure where to start or what to do. Doesn’t help that you help pay for rent, so you are trying to be cheap with everything. You feel like it’s too expensive to explore. The clothing you bought yesterday got splurged on because it was a necessity for your job, but it was a lot. You just opt to making cereal. While you are finishing your cereal, your sister quietly comes into the living room. She walks up to you.</p><p>“Do you want something from that burger place?” she softly asks you, not looking into your eyes.</p><p>“Yeah sure – can I see the menu?” you stand up from the table.</p><p>Amy shrugs, walking over to her room while you follow her.</p><hr/><p>He sees dreams as messages, or at least a reflection of what he has been feeling. He thinks of time as an illusion, so he sees the dreams as a window that breaks through that illusion. The universe is magnificent, is it not? He should write that in his list of questions; do you dream often? He reluctantly gets up from his bed, walking over to the paper taped on the wall. He scribbles the question, thinking of some more.</p><p>12. Do you dream many times?</p><p>13. What is your favorite food?</p><p>14. How much do you know about the Netherlands?</p><p>15. What are your traditions?</p><p>His heart beats. He walks over to the bathroom to finally shower with good soap and not that drying one from the hotel. He furiously rubs at his hair with shampoo while the water stays slightly lukewarm. He wipes his face, peering down to notice his … Oh. Siebren glares at his appendage. He noticed how it has been weirdly active as of recently. He thought it would go away with age, but his libido is flaring up suddenly like he is back to being a teenager. Siebren looks to the valve, hesitantly grabbing at it to change the temperature to cool. He tries to brace for the temperature change but did not notice any significant change. He sharply moves the valve lower only in a few seconds to yelp in shock when the water got cold. He rapidly put it back to where it was. He shakes his head, continuing trying to clean himself and ignoring it. He did remember feeling … Happy when he woke up, but he does not remember what he dreamt. He just remembers being in a room somewhere, feeling a small presence there. But that’s all the details he knows. After showering (and attempting to have a cold shower a second time), he finally got clean.</p><p>He got on his comforting sweater and loose pants, looking up at his scribbled-up board. He quickly picks up where he left off, writing down numbers and symbols. He tries to repeat himself the idea of gravity being a harness. He had the idea of using gravity as a power source. He was lowkey inspired by the movie Interstellar, so he is figuring out the gravitational propulsion theory to check if it is somehow possible. He did not hear his phone ping because he got too deep in this.</p><hr/><p>You suddenly thought of a very specific question. You know that Mei likes science stuff and talks about it with her scientist friends, but then you remember all the science puns being told by Siebren. You want to try to understand him more, even though you have a sick feeling you are going to give up so easily trying to maintain any conversations. You look at your phone, checking at your contacts to sent him that question. Then you went and ate your 444-deal meal while watching videos. The burger is as small as your hand, but you like how it didn’t make you feel full. You underestimated the last time you ordered a burger with two patties with a bunch of sides. You could not finish the burger, but you did not mess up big time today.</p><p>You look at your laptop meanwhile, seeing that you got sent a schedule. You write down on your notebook for shifts and lunch times, just to see if you must pack a lunch when you don’t have time to drive somewhere to eat. After checking on it, you check your phone. He hasn’t responded yet. You usually get insecure but then you decided to add more rambles just because. You did worry about how you sounding too friendly, but he must get used to your existence if he really is planning to bother you for the next few weeks or days.</p><p>Now that you think about it, you been using “owo” and “uwu” a little too much just to be out of irony. You stare at your phone, blinking slowly… You pout, realizing how stupid you are looking for expecting a quick reply. You put your phone down, looking back on your laptop to look through your social media. You saw that Lena posted the picture as to promote you. You feel a little flattered, replying her your thanks and congratulating her. You look through your messages in case Lucio is asking for your help, but he has not said anything since that night everyone went clubbing. You message him if there is anything that might happen this week.</p><hr/><p>Siebren stared at his phone, realizing you sent a message almost an hour ago. He squints his eyes shut, grumbling over not noticing your text sooner. He reads the message again, seeing the two texts.</p><p>“Hey sir I hope you slept well but uhh this is out of nowhere but what is the difference between a comet and an asteroid? They are just … Rocks. In space. Lowkey orbiting the sun.”</p><p>“”Can’t you just google it owo?” Yeah but I’m asking you. Enlightened me o tol science man. What is an asteroid and a comet?”</p><p>He giggles a little, tilting his head a little at the words “tol” and “uwu”. He responds to your texts excitedly.</p><p>“I was able to sleep, thank you! An asteroid is made of metal and rock while a comet is made of ice and dust. A meteor is when a piece of an asteroid falls through the earth’s atmosphere – it becomes a meteorite when it slams into the earth’s surface. I can get more complicated if you want but that’s all for now.”</p><p>Siebren press sends, hoping he isn’t too late. You got his message after typing something to Lucio. You didn't process how your heart jumped. </p><p>“Sorry for the late reply! I was busy calculating something.” He added.</p><p>“You good, you have a life of your own!” you reply quickly.</p><p>“How about you? You have a good sleep?”</p><p>“I honestly can’t tell – I’m always sleepy.”</p><p>“Ah … Are you sleepy now?”</p><p>“I always feel like I’m functioning with two braincells so I’m not sure either.”</p><p>Siebren giggles. He looks up to his note, seeing the questions.</p><p>“What is your opinion on astronomy?” he asks.</p><p>Siebren watch you type your answer slowly, already thinking about asking the next question.</p><p>“I didn’t say anything at first, but I do like space stuff. I just could not understand the calculation stuff. Also I am prone to getting existential crisises. I always wanted to see meteor showers or stare up at the sky, but mosquitoes would show up and they would not leave me alone. I would take the time to look up if I’m outside away from where mosquitoes are in the evening, seeing the stars appear slowly. Too bad I’m too lazy to understand them anymore.”</p><p>Siebren loved your response, although he is saddened that you think you are too dumb for astronomy.</p><p>“You don’t have to understand astronomy to appreciate the stars, they are so pretty on their own. I’m sure you are not that dumb. What was your favorite subject in school?”</p><p>You are so tempted to answer that question with “lunch time”, but you thought for a while.</p><p>“I don’t know how to answer that question. I was going to joke and say “lunch time” but I’m not sure if you are referring to a high school class or just subjects in general.”</p><p>“Just a subject in general, like science or history.”</p><p>“I hated it as a child but I grew to like it; I guess English because I used to read and write. I was good in history but I was too lazy to memorize everything to be anymore better. Always had bad experience with science classes.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with science?” he ask. He likes how you answer his next question already. </p><p>“The latest memory I remember is physics class. So there is this creepy stupid kid that threaten to destroy my school laptop and he is just gross and creepy. Have to sit with this idiot on the same table. My professor didn’t explain stuff well, so I never knew how to calculate stuff. I cannot calculate at all. Chemistry teacher has a thick accent so I couldn’t understand her well. Biology teacher is cool but he scared me with how angry he gets. Environmental science has too many dumb classmates that did not care about the class so I just get war flashbacks to – Oh I forgot one classmate told me to go back to my country just because I said it’s cool to protest during the pledge of allegiance because she was upset over people not standing up. Idk I just had bad experience from people not explaining the subject well and being distracted by dumbass kids.”</p><p>“Oh that’s not good … That is very rude.”</p><p>“She has military parents so I understood why she would get really offended over that but geez…”</p><p>You two went back and forth about culture, explaining your nationalities and your parent’s nationalities. You learn that Siebren is from Netherlands. You barely remember what that country is besides that whole confusion with where Amsterdam is… You debated whether to tell him what happened. Lucio laughed but you don’t know if he is going to facepalm so hard over it.</p><p>“Ah … Do you prefer classical music?” he ask.</p><p>“I like music – I listen to music everyday all the time. I try to listen to violin stuff when I was a kid because I was interested in playing the violin but end up learning piano. For some reason mom said that listening to classical music while pregnant makes the kid smarter. First person I can think is Erik Satie. I listen to his stuff once in a while.”</p><p>“Ahh Erik Satie is so good! I didn’t know you like the piano”</p><p>“I haven’t played in a while – the story why I stopped is stupid sad pfff”</p><p>“Tell me, if you like though”</p><p>“So uhh I went to this camp thingy for piano and there is this girl that was superior to me. Everyone already liked this girl and the grownups praises her, so I felt ignored. I vaguely remember one of the grown up comparing her to me based on how we play the piano. Her hands are soft while mine is just – tense. Felt bad so I moved to art class later. I was in choir for a while though.”</p><p>“Aww I’m sorry, I hope you get the motivation to keep playing the piano. Ah choir! Tell me more about that!”</p><p>“Do Re Mi Fa So Lo Ti Do is all I remember – never learned the hand signs. I was in soprano, but mom complained about her not hearing me when uhh that is not the point. We are supposed to sing in unison as one voice. If I seem out of it, that means I’m doing it wrong. We won trophies and stuff I guess. But it’s a group effort so ehh.”</p><p>“That sounds so interesting! So you sing?”</p><p>“By myself no. I lose breath easily and I’m too timid. Thought about making covers but nope, I cringe.”</p><p>Siebren quickly notice how much you doubt yourself, as if you never believe in yourself. You always talk about how you are too dumb or too untalented. He feels sad, really not wanting you to hate yourself so much. Little did he know that you hate yourself A L O T.</p><p>“How old are you?” he ask.</p><p>“22. Birthday is [insert birth date here]. How about you fam?”</p><p>“32, my birthday is July 23. Oh! What was your major in university?”</p><p>“Cinematic arts”</p><p>“That sounds fascinating, what is it about?”</p><p>“Just movie stuff. I just learn basic stuff and watch a bunch of movies they consider the greatest of all time like Pulp Fiction and The Godfather… I didn’t like the latter. Too long and violent and eugh. But yeah it’s just movie stuff but I’m not here trying to be an aspiring filmmaker.”</p><p>“Ah … What is your dream job?”</p><p>“I honestly don’t know anymore. I just know I want to draw until I die. I thought about storyboarding because it’s like drawing comics, but it’s near impossible to ever get a gig on storyboarding. So uhh nope.”</p><p>“Your hobby is to draw?”</p><p>“It’s my life. I couldn’t communicate my feelings with words as a child and not even now, so I draw what I want and what I feel.”</p><p>“That is a wonderful explanation.”</p><p>You scratch your cheek, looking around and realizing how distracted you are. You tend to fall apart in just a few messages, but you cannot stop speaking to this person. Lucio replied, explaining that he is going to be easy on you because you have a more demanding job at the office. You text him back stating that it is alright if he needs any help. Siebren messaged another thing – something about your favorite color.</p><p>You two kept going back and forth. At some point you noticed how you do not seem annoyed at him at all. You usually get angry and suspicious if people are too friendly with you, especially if it is a guy. You don’t want people talking to you just because they want to go out with you. But weren’t you like that with Claudio?</p><p>You suddenly froze. Your fearful eyes peer around nothing. Is that why he blocked you? He felt betrayed for other reasons instead? Why can’t you remember the things he did to you that isn’t alright either? Your eyes watered, still in your bad habit of—</p><p>“You don’t have to talk about it, but I noticed how hard you are onto yourself. You always call yourself incompetent.”</p><p>You read it slowly. You got scared, not liking the idea of being easily read and maybe taken advantage of through that.</p><p>“I am, yeah pff” you reply.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>You are not so sure. There are plenty of reasons; maybe how you been raised, the awful teachers and students around you when you were a scared little kid that gets panic attacks every week, or you see self-love as prideful and selfish. Or maybe you don’t want to be as deceiving as the people that hurt you. So you might as well be upfront about how you are not a perfect little nice kid before you disappoint someone. People demanded you to be okay, but you want to stay sad in peace.</p><p>“I don’t know” you answer.</p><p>Siebren rubs jaw and mouth, debating what else to say. He had the question about death, but he did not want to sadden you any further. He wonders how many people must have been harsh towards you, but he cannot just squeeze personal information out of you just like that.</p><p>“I can’t figure out what color your eyes are – I thought it was blue, but I think it’s gray?” you ask. You are trying to change the subject, not wanting him to talk about it any further.</p><p>Siebren looks up at the mirror next to him. He looks back down on his found, texting “maybe both?”</p><p>“I think periwinkle is a good description idk” you suggest. You wonder why you have a hard time remembering his eye color. For some reason there are certain colors that you cannot process well because it is so … Vague. You rub your eyes, trying to get rid of whatever tears are there.</p><p>Siebren blushes a little. He remembers your sad and innocent gaze, glancing away into nothing. Then he remembers what he did yesterday morning again. The guilt sets in. He really does not want to be one of those nice-guys-finish-last weirdoes and disappoint you.</p><p>“I’m going to be busy tomorrow because I work during the week, but you can still text me sometimes,” he messages. Then he realizes he completely disregarded the periwinkle comment. He quickly added “I guess it’s bluish-grey, but periwinkle is cute!” as you start to type.</p><p>“Same. I have training tomorrow.”</p><p>“Ah – where do you work now? I forgot if you told me”</p><p>“I’m an administrative assistant because I wanted and office job for some reason”</p><p>“Oh interesting! My job counts as operations research analyst, but I do some accounting and other similar tasks. I love calculating things.”</p><p>“You’re the first human I know that loves math.”</p><p>Siebren giggles.</p><p>“At least you get paid well unless I have to fight your boss” you said.</p><p>“No no I do! Don’t fight my boss haha” he smiles.</p><p>It’s been a few hours and you finally got tired. You just mention you are emotionally drained, so he leaves you be. You got ready to go to bed, feeling yourself tired. You feel oddly relaxed. You pick out the outfit for tomorrow. You remember how you immediately got sleepy, as if you have zero worries in your mind.</p><hr/><p>You woke up to an alarm, quickly turning off the awful noise. You reluctantly got up, walking over to the restroom to wash your face. You slept for no problem, but you are always tired in the morning. After eating your breakfast, you put on your black suit and tie with your navy-blue shirt. You did this quickly, not wanting your sister to see you dressed as a dude. You fix your hair a little, going into your room to check into your laptop bag and such.</p><p>Monday finally came, the day you will start training. You stare up at the building, making sure you straighten your back and do not show fear. You walk into the building, look through which floor has the office in. Going up, come across a desk where a girl with purple hair and makeup is sitting in. You walk over to her, again trying to keep your back straight.</p><p>“Good morning,” you bow a little.</p><p>She looks up at you.</p><p>“Oh hey, what you here for?” she asks, staring right at you.</p><p>“I’m here for a job training – I recently got hired as an administrative assistant,” you said.</p><p>“Oh okay, I’ll let Ms. O’Deorain know,” she nodded, pressing buttons on her desk phone.</p><p>“I like your makeup look,” you said with a small smile.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said, beaming a little.</p><p>You look around, blinking slowly while the girl lets the person know you are here.</p><p>“She’s coming soon, just wait a moment,” she said.</p><p>“What’s your name?”</p><p>“Call me Olivia,” she smirks.</p><p>“Oh, nice to meet you,” you nodded, walking away a little as to not invade her space.</p><p>Eventually, a tall lady with red hair walks into view. You feel comforted to see a woman wearing a shirt and tie.</p><p>“Oh hey Moira,” Olivia greets.</p><p>“Hello Olivia, so Mx.(l/n)” the lady asks.</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” you quickly got up with notebook in hand.</p><p>Moira squints at something, walking up to you to look closer. You got worried, having no idea what she is looking at—until she starts messing with your tie.</p><p>“Your tie is a mess, let me rectify this,” Moira said adamantly, undoing your tie to tie it properly.</p><p>“This is my second time actually making a tie,” you admit while sticking your chest out.</p><p>“Oh no wonder… Anyways, follow me,” Moira gestures with her manicured finger.</p><p>You obeyed, walking behind her while looking around. There are some places encased in glass while some are more open. You suddenly caught eyes with Mei, who was sitting at her desk. Moira walks up to Mei.</p><p>“Mei, I would like you to train this new employee,” Moira introduce you.</p><p>“Yes, right away O’ Deorain,” Mei nodded, getting up from her desk. Moira walks away from you two.</p><p>“Whoa, you look so handsome!” Mei holds your shoulder after Moira is out of earshot.</p><p>“Good,” you smiled calmly.</p><p>“I didn’t know you are getting a job here, why didn’t you tell me?” Mei asks.</p><p>“I – didn’t know? Lucio suggested the office,” you shrug.</p><p>“Ah..”</p><p>“So what you need to teach me?” you look around.</p><p>“Here is where your desk will be – you ask to be an administrative assistant?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“So – you are still doing administration stuff and help Olivia back at her desk, but you are going to be involved in a lot of departments like advertising and running errands for the CEO,” Mei explain.</p><p>“Okei.”</p><p>“Are they paying you enough?”</p><p>“Uhh… Is 20 dollars an hour good?”</p><p>“Huuu I guess,” Mei sighs.</p><p>“First thing’s first” Mei starts, explaining the list of tasks you need to do and how you do so. Somethings like bringing mails to the post office is familiar, but most things are just scheduling and organizing. At some point your brain stop processing stuff, so you look around in your environment… You freeze. Your eyes widen in horror to remember who this man is, sitting behind glass while staring at a whiteboard. It’s Siebren. You quickly whip around, covering your mouth in amusement and embarrassment – you huff as you try not to scream in excitement.</p><p>“You okay? What happened?” Mei looks up, worried.</p><p>“It’s so stupid – I’m bouta screammm,” you huff.</p><p>“Was it a meme?” Mei asks.</p><p>You shake your head no, covering your face more as you squeeze your eyes shut. You suddenly remember vaguely Mei saying Siebren is her coworker.</p><p>“What did you saw?” Mei ask, looking behind you—then she spots Siebren, putting two and two together.</p><p>“Oh … It’s about Siebren?” Mei smiles a little.</p><p>“M Y …”</p><p>You look around to see if the scary lady is around.</p><p>“Mei I was drunk and just … Look, I was so awkward and could have gotten in trouble with the go-go dancers,” you run your palm through your front hair.</p><p>“No no you were fine! You did have a lot of fun though besides the weird questions and the four girlfriends’ stories,” Mei pointed out.</p><p>You made a gesture as if to hurl. Oh god these folks heard that messed up story about how you got cucked by four people at once.</p><p>“OH! I-I’m sorry for reminding you, anyway uhh I’ll show you around,” Mei walks, you quickly coming to follow her but avoid looking at Siebren. You are too embarrassed to acknowledge it, but you internally are excited for Siebren to notice you.</p><p>While Mei gives you the tour of the whole building, you two reach to where the CEO’s office is located, which is a long hall with glass on both sides that leads to a door.</p><p>“… Why does it look intimidating?” you whisper.</p><p>“It does? I thought it’s neat,” Mei shrug.</p><p>“Bruh it looks like it leads you to the death chamber,” you raise a brow.</p><p>“No no Mr. Morrison is nice, just keeps to himself most of the time,” Mei giggles a little.</p><p>“Well, at least I know he wasn’t kidding when he said he was LGBT friendly.”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t he? He is gay!”</p><p>You blinked.</p><p>“… Oh, that is inspiring,” you raise your brows.</p><p>“Yeah, there are also gender nonconforming girls here like Ms. O Deorain and Zarya here,” Mei smiled.</p><p>“Oh Coolio,” you gave a thumbs up.</p><p>“So yeah! You’ll be perfectly safe here,” Mei smiled.</p><p>You two walk away from the hall that leads to Mr. Morrison’s office, going into the elevator.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What I meant in the first few paragraphs with the word "sexuality" is in terms of sensuality, not sexual orientation -- so like your attitude towards the subject of sex. Just in case anyone gets confused because sexuality is synonymous with sexual orientation!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was going to write a weird freaky one-shot but randomly decided to make this a whole slice-of-life type shenanigan of my comfort character Sigma. This is based on a weird dream I had where yeah -- there is a club in a mall where people would shower in front of people and there is a bathtub at the entrance. It was odd but here we are. So if I ever get exhausted from writing Kintsugi Bowls, I can work on one happy chapter. So yeah this fanfic is supposed to be really hopeful and silly, where all the characters are chill people that are living normal lives. Maybe small dramas here and there but there would be no bad blood or blehhh. Just you and your best pal Siebren.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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